today grace came in the evening air.
today grace came sandwiched between layers of long and hard, because today was long and hard. today was full of let down and small pieces of relief.
today i took my friend with lymphoma to the hospital for pain relief and then to enroll in hospice. today i had to alternate between being strong and feeling like i was falling to bits.
today grace came because the morphine worked quickly and my young friend was pain free. and because hospice saw him quickly and sent us out with morphine for the week, and a plan and a promise to see him next week.
today grace came in the soft prayer of dr. helena the oncologist, who knows that we do the best we can and keep going, and we keep praying and we keep asking and begging and pleading and loving. we keep looking for the grace- because that is how we keep finding it.
today grace came in the moments i sat with jude on the couch and we listened to that song i love by the fray, and i held him and inhaled the scent of his head and remembered all the years i've loved him and the smell of his head, and how deeply thankful i am that he is here.
today grace came in that evening air, and the words of that song, and the people who helped care for my kids so i could take him in.
today grace comes in knowing that the God who made him, who knows him in spirit and in body, each cell even the sick ones, will bring him peace and freedom and relief and courage. today grace comes in the promise of non-abandonment. grace comes in the fullness of that promise from a God who knows suffering, who knows our deep pain and holds us through it.
i don't know why this cup hasn't been taken from my friend. i don't know why it seems to grow and not shrink. i don't know why sometimes this is the way it is, except that we all have the same cup. we all experience suffering. we will all experience death.
thank God we don't have to walk these places alone. thank God that today there is breath and life and we got to no a place of no pain. thank God that there are moments in the layers where we can see the grace that is given.
even when it's the evening air.
today grace came sandwiched between layers of long and hard, because today was long and hard. today was full of let down and small pieces of relief.
today i took my friend with lymphoma to the hospital for pain relief and then to enroll in hospice. today i had to alternate between being strong and feeling like i was falling to bits.
today grace came because the morphine worked quickly and my young friend was pain free. and because hospice saw him quickly and sent us out with morphine for the week, and a plan and a promise to see him next week.
today grace came in the soft prayer of dr. helena the oncologist, who knows that we do the best we can and keep going, and we keep praying and we keep asking and begging and pleading and loving. we keep looking for the grace- because that is how we keep finding it.
today grace came in the moments i sat with jude on the couch and we listened to that song i love by the fray, and i held him and inhaled the scent of his head and remembered all the years i've loved him and the smell of his head, and how deeply thankful i am that he is here.
today grace came in that evening air, and the words of that song, and the people who helped care for my kids so i could take him in.
today grace comes in knowing that the God who made him, who knows him in spirit and in body, each cell even the sick ones, will bring him peace and freedom and relief and courage. today grace comes in the promise of non-abandonment. grace comes in the fullness of that promise from a God who knows suffering, who knows our deep pain and holds us through it.
i don't know why this cup hasn't been taken from my friend. i don't know why it seems to grow and not shrink. i don't know why sometimes this is the way it is, except that we all have the same cup. we all experience suffering. we will all experience death.
thank God we don't have to walk these places alone. thank God that today there is breath and life and we got to no a place of no pain. thank God that there are moments in the layers where we can see the grace that is given.
even when it's the evening air.
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