today

it's late and i'm a morning person. i have more to say in the mornings, i think more in the mornings, when i can sit and be quiet- hopefully tomorrow.  sometimes at this hour, all i can wonder is what was in my day?  what were my moments of goodness? of failure? did i add happiness or did i steal it away?

i awoke from a deep deep sleep and foggily dragged the kids from their deep sleeps. was i gentle?
i drove them to school in the dark as the sun rose behind us.  did i rush? was i patient?
i cross-fitted with my girls, i thought about my week, i made lists and called people and bought bread and airtime. did i smile and make someone else have a better morning?
i spoke with florence and told her our cutting her hours is "us not her"- i think bringing her relief.  i drank coffee and worked on luganda and tried to be patient and brought someone movies and spoke to the coach and made dinner and read stories and sang songs and cut zoe's hair and packed her for her 2 nights away on a school trip.  those are the facts- but what was the living? the being? the spreading or the taking? i wondered as i bumped down another dirt road today- how do our seconds matter? our eye contact with the one on the side of the road cooking? our wave to the one in the garden? that smile to the kid on the bike?

tomorrow we begin again.

today

today i'm flying low and i'm
not saying a word
i'm letting all the voodoos of ambition sleep.

the world goes on as it must,
the bees in the garden rumbling a little,
the fish leaping, the gnats getting eaten.
and so forth.

but i'm taking the day off.
quiet as a feather.
i hardly move though really i'm travelling
a terrific distance.

stillness. one of the doors
into the temple.
                      mary oliver.....again