i write a lot about you. i talk a lot about you and i think a lot about you. i pray a lot for you- but i don’t write to you. so here goes. there are some things you should know. i love you. like crazy. and i believe in you more than you can imagine and way more than you believe in you. i believe in you not in the way that i need you to do things, but that i know there are things you want to do but are afraid to try- and i know that with time and some effort and maybe dare i say help, you can do.
you are so much more than the numbers and names that are assigned to you. you are more than labels- those things you wear that give you the services that you need now. i don’t think it’s a coincidence that you hate labels - that you cut them out of your clothes. you know that you can’t be labeled - they have never been able to really pin you down-. nothing has ever fit you. either too big or too small. i don’t think it’s a mistake that you turn you clothes inside out to wear them so they feel comfortable- it’s a metaphor for your life. things feel inside out- i know that- i have come to know that.
right now i see you standing behind something large that is blocking you. in some ways you like it. it’s a wall that blocks things like the wind, so it’s warm. it blocks your view so you feel safe. it blocks your path, so you don’t get tired. the problem is- you alone there behind your wall. the rest of the world is going on- moving into the wind and looking at the horizon and running toward it- stopping to catch a breath- leaning on each other- bundling up sometimes, resting and heading out. the world is calling you too.
the world is calling to you zoe.
the world is calling you too.
will it be harder?
yes.
will it feel colder? windier?
probably.
will it be scary?
i’m sure.
but you will find things that i know you are looking for.
you will find You in a bigger way. you will see farther than you knew you could. you will stand taller. you will be proud of yourself. you will find people cheering you on. people to lean on. people who believe in you. and you will begin to believe in you too. and i’m very sure that once you get out from behind what is blocking you, your clothes will be less scratchy, your thoughts will be less sticky, your brain will have much more room to breathe.
you see, you’ve done this before. not this exactly, but you have moved past other boulders. and once you’ve climbed out from their darkness - you have shone zoe.
so after 18 years of watching you. of listening to you. of knowing you and thinking about you and praying for you, i get to keep believing in you because i’m your mom and that is what we do.
but in this next season you are the only one who can climb over or around or push it out of the way. i can't do it for you. believe me if i could i would, but that is not how it works. i’m here. you’re not alone. but it's now for you to choose and that is why i'm writing. so you know i'm your biggest fan. and i know in a really deep way that big things await you girl. you have gifts and skills untapped. you love surprises so surprise yourself. get up and go. remember your name means Life.
i love you,
mom
you are so much more than the numbers and names that are assigned to you. you are more than labels- those things you wear that give you the services that you need now. i don’t think it’s a coincidence that you hate labels - that you cut them out of your clothes. you know that you can’t be labeled - they have never been able to really pin you down-. nothing has ever fit you. either too big or too small. i don’t think it’s a mistake that you turn you clothes inside out to wear them so they feel comfortable- it’s a metaphor for your life. things feel inside out- i know that- i have come to know that.
right now i see you standing behind something large that is blocking you. in some ways you like it. it’s a wall that blocks things like the wind, so it’s warm. it blocks your view so you feel safe. it blocks your path, so you don’t get tired. the problem is- you alone there behind your wall. the rest of the world is going on- moving into the wind and looking at the horizon and running toward it- stopping to catch a breath- leaning on each other- bundling up sometimes, resting and heading out. the world is calling you too.
the world is calling to you zoe.
the world is calling you too.
will it be harder?
yes.
will it feel colder? windier?
probably.
will it be scary?
i’m sure.
but you will find things that i know you are looking for.
you will find You in a bigger way. you will see farther than you knew you could. you will stand taller. you will be proud of yourself. you will find people cheering you on. people to lean on. people who believe in you. and you will begin to believe in you too. and i’m very sure that once you get out from behind what is blocking you, your clothes will be less scratchy, your thoughts will be less sticky, your brain will have much more room to breathe.
you see, you’ve done this before. not this exactly, but you have moved past other boulders. and once you’ve climbed out from their darkness - you have shone zoe.
so after 18 years of watching you. of listening to you. of knowing you and thinking about you and praying for you, i get to keep believing in you because i’m your mom and that is what we do.
but in this next season you are the only one who can climb over or around or push it out of the way. i can't do it for you. believe me if i could i would, but that is not how it works. i’m here. you’re not alone. but it's now for you to choose and that is why i'm writing. so you know i'm your biggest fan. and i know in a really deep way that big things await you girl. you have gifts and skills untapped. you love surprises so surprise yourself. get up and go. remember your name means Life.
i love you,
mom
