Guess i'll go eat worms??

i'm starting. finally. i think because mike is back at work tonight, and because zoe ate three worms. earthworms. the big pink kind that you dig out of the ground.

a few years ago, i read a lovely article about parenting a child with special needs. it basically says that when you have a baby, it's like planning a trip to Italy, where you've got all the guide books and you've made the hotel reservations and then you get off the plane and you've landed in Holland. just as great, but it takes a while to readjust, learn where to go and stay; that you'll always grieve missing out on italy, but you'll also learn to love and appreciate holland.

i have a child with special needs. when i read this, i cried and felt really lucky and started thinking about windmills and tulips and clogs, but somehow, my experience hasn't always felt like dutch chocolate instead of chianti.

i think having a child with special needs is more akin to planning a trip to italy and ending up in uganda. you planned on fabulous food and wine, quaint countryside drives, beaches and boat rides and museums. in uganda there are beautiful and amazing places, some of the most beautiful places i've seen, but you will have to look harder to find them. no one you know has ever been to uganda (or even wanted to go) and there are very few guide books. and talk about unprepared, when you arrive, you realize you were supposed to be on malaria medication and have shots. you sometimes have to boil the water before you drink it, it's hard to find an internet cafe and the power goes out daily. the grocery stores don't always have the food you want to buy. you completely stand out. but... it is an adventure like no other, and having been there, you are a stronger person. you learn to appreciate the little things in a way that people who took a trip to italy might not. you are moved by the peoples amazing ability to find deep joy even in their poverty- and you become inspired by this profoundly. you see your own vulnerability in a way that you hadn't before and pretty soon, you're OK with the blessing of uganda. infact you can't imagine life with out having landed in uganda- with out afternoon tea and monkeys in the trees, and you realize that this trip was definitly ordained elsewhere.

that is my experience anyway.

the other day, i was loosing my mind slightly, and feeling mildly, OK very, sorry for myself. i decided to go for a run. and i decided to run, until i could feel grateful again. it was hard, but after about 1 mile i stopped feeling angry, then after mile 2 i felt thankful- very thankful for my life and all that is in it. i walked mile three which was full of hope for my new found thankful heart to warm those around me. smiling i walked into the house and was greeted by zoe announcing that she had something to tell me.

and this is God having a huge sense of humor.

"mommy, i just ate three worms. i know you might be mad... but i didn't chew them."

( is that better? yes- down the hatch is better than chewing- fo' sho'.)

"why???" i asked- rapidly the zen of the run had run out the door.

"i don't have a clue!" (of course you don't- why would you have a clue- you just ate worms- that you dug out of the back yard!)

i wanted to pull a homer simpson and throttle her- more for ruining my recently achieved peace than ingesting the worms.

"well, i hope you don't get sick- please don't do that again, seriously- you could get very sick- i'm a doctor- i know these things."

(do i? can you get sick from eating earthworms? didn't bear grylls eat them and other much grosser things in more dangerous places?)

"OK mommy. i know you're mad. i think i know what you need, an H-U-G"

and she's always right.