moderation

i've settled on moderation.  after 2 weeks of the gluten-free, dairy-free life and many headaches later- i've decided that my diet needs to be less extreme- that i need to eat, and live, in moderation.  i agree with the quote from saint augustine "complete abstinence is easier than perfect moderation" which is why i probably gravitate toward the 'all or nothing' approach to most things in life.

i mostly blame this on the faucets i grew up with.  you had to choose,  either get hot water from one or cold water from the other, burn or freeze.  i was in too much of a rush to plug the sink and mix them to "warm".   moderation requires time and attention- thought-and active decision.  abstinence or gluttony, just doesn't.  i also like extremes- love hard, fall deep, sing loud, run fast, reach high, sleep sound.  i have opinions that are strong.  my amplitude is big.  i struggle with reigning it in. i'm not by nature-temperate, to a fault.

moderation is about living in the gray, not in the world of black and white.  it's holding the tension of the opposites. not having to make hard, fast rules in order to be comfortable.  it's about flexibility and trusting oneself.

this is honestly one of the issues i have with 'religion' - not with God, but with 'religion'.  it can be easier to make hard rules about things that i think God may have meant for us to wrestle with, than to grapple with these issues. it can be easier to be angry and judgmental of people who may have a difference of opinion about the greyer areas- than to be gentle and to admit it's not as clear as we wish it were.

but it's hard to be okay with the unknown.  and it's hard to live well in moderation- with out ping-ponging back and forth between the extremes.  and for me, even my extremes are extreme.  i don't leave it at 'should i work or stay home',  it becomes 'should i work full time in academic medicine or stay at home and grow my own grain to bake my own bread?'  and whether the cause of this challenge is the faucets or just my personality- i'm sure i will always struggle with balance- with living in the gray- with holding the tension- with moderation.  yoga helps, prayer helps, patience helps.  remembering that discovering life and knowing God, is a process, helps.  but embracing that i love life big is important too.  so i will strive for moderation- but perhaps not perfect moderation.