it's not that late but it feels late. outside my window the nile river rushes by. inside everyone else is asleep, even my parents, asleep in the the bungalow next door. it's been amazing having them here. sharing our life with them- having my history here. right before they came, i had the feeling of wishing i could wait- postpone there arrival- like saving the easter candy- until you absolutely can't stand it. but. that's not how it works, i never saved my candy, and seeing them is so wonderful- i'm only just half way through and i know it will be hard to see them go- the beautiful let down.
it's the kids vacation week and we've taken them and my parents to jinja for a "mini-break"- a little vacation- warmth and sun and water and time together. yesterday we were hanging out at the pool and met 11 girls between the ages of 8-16 who are all sisters. they are girls who have been adopted by a young woman from the US and they live here in jinja. we spent the afternoon hearing some of their stories, just about their life together with each other, and their mom (who is actually back in the US doing a book tour with the two youngest girls- yes 13 in all, yes she just wrote a book about it).
i'll be honest. when i first heard about this- about this 23 year old girl from the US moving to uganda and adopting 13 orphans- i thought she must be a total nut job. who does that? what kind of crazy is that? what are the issues there? but after several hours with these girls, i realized, something was working, they were wonderful, they were a testament to her doing something right. and then after we said goodbye and exchanged numbers, i went on her website, her blog and was blown. away. (http://www.amazima.org/history.html ) she has an orphan sponsorship program that sends 400 kids to school, she has a food program to provide meals for people in the slums, she help the women of the slum begin a beading business to support themselves, she washes their feet, she doesn't turn away- from any of it. i was humbled and embarrassed for ever questioning her or her motives. i was humbled by her maturity, what was i doing at 23, or 33, and what will i be doing at 43? but more than anything i was moved- by her faith, her willingness to be that whack girl from tennessee, because she saw a need and knew she could at least do something. because she saw a giant, but only had a slingshot, and knew that it was okay because she had a really big God too. and i felt small in many many ways. and foolish too. foolish for relying always and only on the tools i have in my hands, for putting down the sling shot because i don't have a big sword, for putting things off until i feel confident in my ability to do something- what ever it may be.
and for the past day and a half, i've been being still in my heart and asking myself am i living fully into what God asks of me? am i broken by the things that break God's heart? am i so focused on my capacity, that i'm not trusting in His capacity? how much more is needed and how much more am i willing to do or give?
i need to ask the questions. i need to always ask the questions. because cracked and broken pots, may leak water, but in doing that, they water the flowers, and they bring life. because it doesn't take degrees to make a difference- but it does take willingness, risk, and faith. it takes living with your eyes wide and your heart soft, it takes operating out of love, not fear, and it takes response.
because life doesn't need to be lived so small.
it's the kids vacation week and we've taken them and my parents to jinja for a "mini-break"- a little vacation- warmth and sun and water and time together. yesterday we were hanging out at the pool and met 11 girls between the ages of 8-16 who are all sisters. they are girls who have been adopted by a young woman from the US and they live here in jinja. we spent the afternoon hearing some of their stories, just about their life together with each other, and their mom (who is actually back in the US doing a book tour with the two youngest girls- yes 13 in all, yes she just wrote a book about it).
i'll be honest. when i first heard about this- about this 23 year old girl from the US moving to uganda and adopting 13 orphans- i thought she must be a total nut job. who does that? what kind of crazy is that? what are the issues there? but after several hours with these girls, i realized, something was working, they were wonderful, they were a testament to her doing something right. and then after we said goodbye and exchanged numbers, i went on her website, her blog and was blown. away. (http://www.amazima.org/history.html ) she has an orphan sponsorship program that sends 400 kids to school, she has a food program to provide meals for people in the slums, she help the women of the slum begin a beading business to support themselves, she washes their feet, she doesn't turn away- from any of it. i was humbled and embarrassed for ever questioning her or her motives. i was humbled by her maturity, what was i doing at 23, or 33, and what will i be doing at 43? but more than anything i was moved- by her faith, her willingness to be that whack girl from tennessee, because she saw a need and knew she could at least do something. because she saw a giant, but only had a slingshot, and knew that it was okay because she had a really big God too. and i felt small in many many ways. and foolish too. foolish for relying always and only on the tools i have in my hands, for putting down the sling shot because i don't have a big sword, for putting things off until i feel confident in my ability to do something- what ever it may be.
and for the past day and a half, i've been being still in my heart and asking myself am i living fully into what God asks of me? am i broken by the things that break God's heart? am i so focused on my capacity, that i'm not trusting in His capacity? how much more is needed and how much more am i willing to do or give?
i need to ask the questions. i need to always ask the questions. because cracked and broken pots, may leak water, but in doing that, they water the flowers, and they bring life. because it doesn't take degrees to make a difference- but it does take willingness, risk, and faith. it takes living with your eyes wide and your heart soft, it takes operating out of love, not fear, and it takes response.
because life doesn't need to be lived so small.
