something beautiful

it's friday. beginning and end of my work week. a day to gain perspective- to be thankful for health, for a job i love, for kids i love and get to spend most of my time with, and for a weekend coming where we can be together as a family.  i have escaped to the back porch even though it's cold. even though i'm wearing a hat and scarf and poncho and a down blanket- i can breathe better out here.

a few days ago, i was really frustrated with myself, and with my life.  all the kids were in states of disequilibrium, someone was always crying, or whining, or complaining and i was doing too much reacting and not enough parenting.  everyone else's kids looked well behaved and well adjusted, everyone else's lives looked easier, and everyone else looked like they were handling their lives better than i was.  i was feeling sorry for myself.

on this particular afternoon i was driving down a road that has become my main passage.  it's a road that i don't like to drive down, but i am on all the time.  i was mumbling to myself about how my days are full of this road and snippets of time waiting for children on different sides of this road.  i was imaging a zip line down this road that i could zoom down with a child on my back so i could get out of the car.  i was thinking about my flying dreams and how sometimes the flying turns in to long jump flying- i jump/fly and touch down, push off and soar again to another spot- and i imagined jump/flying down briarcliff road- leaping over the cars and the traffic lights.

the problem with briarcliff is that if someone wants to turn, the traffic gets totally backed up.  i was on my way to get bryn after dropping zoe, only to turn right around and go back and get zoe again, then right back down the road again to get jude.  i was thinking about getting happy.  i was thinking about what were some of my favorite things.  i was kind of rushing- because that's what i usually do on briarcliff.

i saw a car on the other side of the road trying to turn, to cross my side to get to this building.  like Eeyore i thought, " might as well let his guy go, i don't have anything better to do anyway, poor me." he turned and waved and the giant line of cars waiting behind him seemed to smile and drive on- free.

i smiled too.  and then i laughed.  i laughed at my pathetic, absurd attitude.  i laughed because it's the little things we do for others that make us feel better.  shifting the focus onto someone else- relieves us of our own myopia. i thought about what a "win-win" this is for the world.  
i thought about the line in 'cutting for stone,' "make something beautiful of your life".

make something beautiful of your life.  make something beautiful of your day.  make something beautiful of your moments.  like martin luther king jr. said: to be great is to serve, and anyone can do that.  and all of us can do that.

so i drove down briarcliff again in the opposite direction, with the opposite attitude.  triumphant.  victorious. thankful for the blessings that come in the little acts of service.  empowered to shift the focus and make beautiful moments.

good things and a challenge

it was another day of blessings and thankfulness.  

but there have been many seasons in the past few years, of self-pity and inward glance- of feeling the sting of my own trials and forgetting the rest of the world.  when i felt too tired to look anywhere but straight ahead. but in that, you can  miss the blessings that are tucked in between the moments of overwhelm and you can miss the quiet beauties that lighten the sting of the rest of the world. 

my cousin posted this on facebook today.  it made me happy cry.
because of this man's beauty and choice.  because of his 30,000 foot view.  because his head is screwed on right- and his heart is big.  because sometimes i forget that there is goodness hiding out there in the dark, and i just get overwhelmed by all the bad stuff.  and because it challenges me to live right, to think, to do- something.  i know it's dramatic- but it doesn't have to be.


then someone posted this on the home school group email that i belong to:
"Cleaning for a Reason:  http://www.cleaningforareason.org If you know any woman currently undergoing chemotherapy, please pass the word to her that there is a cleaning service that provides FREE housecleaning-once per month for 4 months- while she is in treatment."

it reminded me that we can all do something.  we can clean, or make food, or we can organize groups to do these things.  we can tutor refugees. we can rake someone else's leaves.  we can use whatever resources we have- because it's really about willingness not how much you have.  we can all affect change in the lives of others.

we can care.  we can love.  we can give.
like martin luther king jr. said, we can all serve.

sometimes because i have a special child who zaps a lot of energy and time, i think i should be on the receiving end.   but then i think about my fridays and why they are so good.   because i'm off center stage- my focus is elsewhere- i'm thinking about other people.  and when i grab onto something else- it forces my grubby little hands to let go of my own self-occupying troubles- which is exactly what is most needed and what brings the peace.  there is joy in the giving.  there is freedom in expanding beyond the borders of our lives.

what if we all had just one hour a week to give to someone else- someone not related to us- and we built it into our schedules?  what if we all found one cause to support or invest in? what if instead of being consumed by our own needs, or overwhelmed by the needs of the world, we just did one thing to make it better? how much would the world change? how much would we change?

"everybody has got 5.5 liters of blood. i am just a human being- for me, everyone is the same.  there are 1000s of people suffering- what is the ultimate purpose of life? it's to give.  start giving.  see the joy of giving."

what's it going to be?