this child

8 years ago, i was in the hospital having just given birth to jude.  i remember it blurry.  going in the night before to begin the induction, wondering what the next day would hold, who this child would be, this child i felt i already knew so much about - this child i'd already given up to God- no matter what.  this child who had already taught me so much about God and love and faith and prayer and community before he'd even taken a breath.

this child has a story. a story that began with intensity and drama and pain, and a lot of beauty and goodness and miracle.  it's hard not to over wonder about him because of that- not to expect- not to await...something.  at the same time i gave him up.  i was able to release him- to hold him up with open arms and accept that he was a gift- no matter what- and no matter for how long. and because of that, i began to understand that none of my children are mine in a possessive way- none of them are a direct reflection of me. they are themselves- they are given to me to guard and teach and guide and lead.

but.

i thank God that i've had 8 years! i thank God that he is a precious, regular 8 year old, full of big ideas and confident in his knowledge of things, and sensitive and generous and aware.

this weekend was all about jude.  finally. he had his birthday party- boys only- just a few friends- lunch at mishmash, cake, movie, sleep-over and swimming in the morning.  it was great. even his sisters were not allowed. he had his day to shine, to for once, not be overshadowed by the squeaky wheels of his sisters.

his favorite gift?

so happy birthday my sweet boy. 
may God continue to bless and keep you- as you continue to bless us. every. single. day.