here is what not to do if you wake up on a saturday morning with cramps and a headache, and you can already hear your kids fighting in the next room.
#1. do not decide that you need to get up. in fact, decide the opposite. decide that probably the best thing (for everyone) is to get some advil and a hot water bottle and go straight back to bed.
#2. if you do get up, do not decide that things need to get done, that people should stop watching the movie and clean up, 'cotton-pickit, you've been looking at this mess all week!' because while you are annoyed at the mess, you will be even more annoyed when they whine and complain and then don't do it. no. let them watch, it's saturday.
#3. do not decide that your teenage daughter who has been sick for 3 days, now, right now at 8:30 am on saturday morning, must take a bath. because her resistance (which is there on a day when she's not sick, and when you have much more of yourself present to assist) will only further your compromised state of mind. no. don't do that- go make coffee, or better yet- get back in bed.
#4. do not decide to make the todo list for what needs to happen in the next two weeks before family comes to visit, most of which requires your husband's involvement, and then do not decide to share it with him. instead, decide to finish your cup of coffee and live with whatever color your accent wall is, just switch seats at the dinning table so you don't have to look at it. they're his relatives anyway.
#5. and if you do share the todo list with your husband, and he happens to seem annoyed by your eagerness, and you feel yourself getting annoyed as his annoyance, and your kid comes out of his room because he can sense his parents argumentative tone, do not snap at him. that's never good, instead, smile at him, ask if anyone has seen the hot water bottle, and head back to bed.
#6. and if your husband happens to follow you back with a concerned look and asks if you want to be alone or talk, absolutely say 'alone' because you are not going to say anything that is necessary, or entirely true, and certainly you won't be saying anything nice. by all means recognize that this my friend, is not your day and choose to do no harm.
#7. do not decide to appease your kid who asked for a mohawk haircut yesterday, by redoing the haircut now while your other kids are rushing you out the door. you're in a hurry and you're in a bad mood- put the scissors down- it won't go well- he may end up bald.
#8. and when you don't put the scissors down, and he tells you he looks even worse and that from now on dad is cutting his hair, do not decide to tell him that he's impossible to please and should be thankful that he even has hair. because that is ridiculous. instead, tell him is sounds like a great idea for dad to cut his hair, that's one less thing you need to do.
#9. do not decide to let your husband choose who will drive across town in traffic to get your kids to a party when you have another party 3 hours later on another side of town. because he is not insane and will choose to stay home. and then you will think about how hot it will be in the car and the children fighting and you will ask your kids if they really want to go to the party and they will take one look at you and your other kid's hair and say selflessly 'no'. but then your husband will feel badly for them and volunteer to take them. you will not only feel like the big jerk that you are, but you will miss the chance to see some of your friends too, and while you are home with sick zoe reading 'bunnicula' outloud for the 40ith time, he will be relaxing having a beer with the dads.
#10. finally, do not then decide to make it a 'spa day' to make yourself feel better. because you won't- you will feel worse. you will mess up your nail polish, cut yourself shaving, and be very dissatisfied with any cute outfit because your stomach is bloated. instead decide that a better choice is getting into your largest most expandable pants and your softest shirt, and climb back into bed with a good book.
a small nap (or a large sandwich) will keep you quiet for a little while and let everyone else recover.
#1. do not decide that you need to get up. in fact, decide the opposite. decide that probably the best thing (for everyone) is to get some advil and a hot water bottle and go straight back to bed.
#2. if you do get up, do not decide that things need to get done, that people should stop watching the movie and clean up, 'cotton-pickit, you've been looking at this mess all week!' because while you are annoyed at the mess, you will be even more annoyed when they whine and complain and then don't do it. no. let them watch, it's saturday.
#3. do not decide that your teenage daughter who has been sick for 3 days, now, right now at 8:30 am on saturday morning, must take a bath. because her resistance (which is there on a day when she's not sick, and when you have much more of yourself present to assist) will only further your compromised state of mind. no. don't do that- go make coffee, or better yet- get back in bed.
#4. do not decide to make the todo list for what needs to happen in the next two weeks before family comes to visit, most of which requires your husband's involvement, and then do not decide to share it with him. instead, decide to finish your cup of coffee and live with whatever color your accent wall is, just switch seats at the dinning table so you don't have to look at it. they're his relatives anyway.
#5. and if you do share the todo list with your husband, and he happens to seem annoyed by your eagerness, and you feel yourself getting annoyed as his annoyance, and your kid comes out of his room because he can sense his parents argumentative tone, do not snap at him. that's never good, instead, smile at him, ask if anyone has seen the hot water bottle, and head back to bed.
#6. and if your husband happens to follow you back with a concerned look and asks if you want to be alone or talk, absolutely say 'alone' because you are not going to say anything that is necessary, or entirely true, and certainly you won't be saying anything nice. by all means recognize that this my friend, is not your day and choose to do no harm.
#7. do not decide to appease your kid who asked for a mohawk haircut yesterday, by redoing the haircut now while your other kids are rushing you out the door. you're in a hurry and you're in a bad mood- put the scissors down- it won't go well- he may end up bald.
#8. and when you don't put the scissors down, and he tells you he looks even worse and that from now on dad is cutting his hair, do not decide to tell him that he's impossible to please and should be thankful that he even has hair. because that is ridiculous. instead, tell him is sounds like a great idea for dad to cut his hair, that's one less thing you need to do.
#9. do not decide to let your husband choose who will drive across town in traffic to get your kids to a party when you have another party 3 hours later on another side of town. because he is not insane and will choose to stay home. and then you will think about how hot it will be in the car and the children fighting and you will ask your kids if they really want to go to the party and they will take one look at you and your other kid's hair and say selflessly 'no'. but then your husband will feel badly for them and volunteer to take them. you will not only feel like the big jerk that you are, but you will miss the chance to see some of your friends too, and while you are home with sick zoe reading 'bunnicula' outloud for the 40ith time, he will be relaxing having a beer with the dads.
#10. finally, do not then decide to make it a 'spa day' to make yourself feel better. because you won't- you will feel worse. you will mess up your nail polish, cut yourself shaving, and be very dissatisfied with any cute outfit because your stomach is bloated. instead decide that a better choice is getting into your largest most expandable pants and your softest shirt, and climb back into bed with a good book.
a small nap (or a large sandwich) will keep you quiet for a little while and let everyone else recover.
