haircut

oh dear. what goes up, must come down. 
another example of the always baffling inconsistency of zoe.

tonight, as usual, she was instructed to go take off her coat and shoes, put them away, go upstairs, get her pajamas on and brush her teeth.  notice i don't just say- go get ready for bed- because the tasks involved would not likely happen. the first time i went up, she's sitting on her bed, with her coat and shoes still on- reading a richard scary book.

now maybe i should have clued in.  i should have noticed the preschool literature choice and the inability to do the seemingly obvious first step of removing coat and shoes- and then softened my approach and offered assistance.  but i'm exhausted.  so i reminded her again what she needs to do- and tagged on that she needs to clean up her room.

when i came back upstairs a few minutes later- there is hair all over the bathroom.  yes, her hair.  she had decided to cut it.

now there are really two times in a child's life when they might cut their hair- one is when they're in preschool and are curious about scissors. hair hangs down and feels soft and it might be interesting to try cutting it. the second time is during the teenager years.  there is this new found independence- and with it a confidence that you're pretty good at most things, so when you decide that you need to see what you look like with bangs- you just do it.

i had an earthworm moment.  i stopped- looked at the bathroom, looked at her and her shaggy hair, and kept walking.  i just needed a moment.

when i came back upstairs i asked her what she was thinking. why it seemed like a good idea to cut hair instead of brush her teeth.

"because it was bothering me."

of course.  now i get it.  yes - an appropriate response to static-y hair.

i told her to please get in her pajamas and clean her room.  i sat there while she slowly pittered around picking up each item on the floor,  only using one hand, and assessed the damage.  she'd left the back alone, but had chopped large chunks out of the front and sides- you might be able to call them bangs- maybe.

when she went to brush her teeth- i had to just laugh- because it was so out of the blue, so random, and because she looks kind of funny.

but what i tried not to focus on, but lingers in the back of me,  is the impulsivity and lack of restraint- the apparent need to respond to whatever idea floats into her head- with out age appropriate evaluation.  where was the " on second thought.. i won't do that".  because when a 4 year old chops their hair it is funny- they don't know better.  when the teenager does it- it's also funny- they made a choice- they just need to live with it. she's stuck between the two worlds- not 4 and not 14.

she's not only in between, she's a little bit of both-preschooler and teenager- richard scary and harry potter.   but i already know that- so really, why am i surprised. 

so i decided to be here now.  to choose not to worry about what the play-out of impulsivity may or may not look like in the future- because i don't know. i decided it's just hair - it grows.  i decided to keep it a molehill and avoid making mountains.  i decided to let it go, and to laugh, because in the grand scheme of things, it actually is pretty funny.