i shouldn't be writing, i should be reading- for book club- i'm behind. but i'm behind in life i think. i never know when things are exactly happening, unless they are urgent- work related- then i'm on top of it. but it's as if i have a limited capacity to keep up with everything so the less urgent- they float around in my head- unordered but tethered, like kites - i'm aware they're up there- but not the specifics of what i need to do about them. i don't seem to be able to change it- try as i may to organize- there are always kites. spring break, for example, is sometime soon- but not this week. i'll know when i have an appointment but not the exact time or the location- it drives me crazy- but i think i've kind of given up on it.
the problem is when it affects other peoples lives, or when the kites get tangled because there are too many up there and the strings are long and it's breezy.
right now there are a lot of kites- those long japanese dragon ones with tails and colors and require sometimes 2 people to fly them. some days like to day, i feel like i'm sitting on a beach just watching them in the wind- diving and wiggling- and remarking on their beauty and grace and possibility- but forgetting that i'm attached to them- driving them- that i set them in motion.
today the bee's came to the holly tree out back. yesterday it filled itself with these highly pollinated white beady little flowers, so we knew today, the bees would come and they did. this year the spring is so palpable, so noticed. i think in the stillness you see the things that have always been there- but you walked right on past. business can be blinding. i think i'm finally learning to be still.
today i was remembering back to the summer i was 17 and worked as a summer camp counselor for the 4 year old group. i was amazed at how long it took to tie 15 kids shoes before we went outside- and that they needed so much help with everything. but there was this one kid- alex who was so cool. really he seemed much older than 4. he was the youngest of 4 boys- so maybe that's where he'd grown his maturity- but i loved this guy. at the end of our summer camp month i called his mom and asked i could take him out for ice cream- of course this was welcomed- and we sat at dairy queen in our little town center and ate our cones. i was remembering being that age- being so in the moment- and that now i have 3 little kids who are so interesting-and i wondered am i valuing them like that? i'm i paying attention? i wondered if alex's mom stopped and took him out for ice cream to hear his thoughts on the world? or was she busy being 40- busy balancing work and her 4 kids- busy managing her household- busy organizing her kites.
today jude had to get his blood drawn. i promised him ice cream when we were done. he was so brave- he didn't even cry a tear. i had both boys with me and we went to 'dr. bombay's underwater tea house'- to get the rainbow colored 'superman' ice cream. it was fantastic. sitting with these two little guys - on a day where the air strokes you- laps at you- perfectly warm in it's blend of a hot and a cool lick - so the little hairs on your arms are so thankful to be bare. we sat in the shade with the ice cream and all was well with all our souls.
jude said- i love just being with you.
bryn said- me too.
that is it. that is enough.
that is peace. that is worth the kites being over head- and me, just down here below, holding the strings.
the problem is when it affects other peoples lives, or when the kites get tangled because there are too many up there and the strings are long and it's breezy.
right now there are a lot of kites- those long japanese dragon ones with tails and colors and require sometimes 2 people to fly them. some days like to day, i feel like i'm sitting on a beach just watching them in the wind- diving and wiggling- and remarking on their beauty and grace and possibility- but forgetting that i'm attached to them- driving them- that i set them in motion.
today the bee's came to the holly tree out back. yesterday it filled itself with these highly pollinated white beady little flowers, so we knew today, the bees would come and they did. this year the spring is so palpable, so noticed. i think in the stillness you see the things that have always been there- but you walked right on past. business can be blinding. i think i'm finally learning to be still.
today i was remembering back to the summer i was 17 and worked as a summer camp counselor for the 4 year old group. i was amazed at how long it took to tie 15 kids shoes before we went outside- and that they needed so much help with everything. but there was this one kid- alex who was so cool. really he seemed much older than 4. he was the youngest of 4 boys- so maybe that's where he'd grown his maturity- but i loved this guy. at the end of our summer camp month i called his mom and asked i could take him out for ice cream- of course this was welcomed- and we sat at dairy queen in our little town center and ate our cones. i was remembering being that age- being so in the moment- and that now i have 3 little kids who are so interesting-and i wondered am i valuing them like that? i'm i paying attention? i wondered if alex's mom stopped and took him out for ice cream to hear his thoughts on the world? or was she busy being 40- busy balancing work and her 4 kids- busy managing her household- busy organizing her kites.
today jude had to get his blood drawn. i promised him ice cream when we were done. he was so brave- he didn't even cry a tear. i had both boys with me and we went to 'dr. bombay's underwater tea house'- to get the rainbow colored 'superman' ice cream. it was fantastic. sitting with these two little guys - on a day where the air strokes you- laps at you- perfectly warm in it's blend of a hot and a cool lick - so the little hairs on your arms are so thankful to be bare. we sat in the shade with the ice cream and all was well with all our souls.
jude said- i love just being with you.
bryn said- me too.
that is it. that is enough.
that is peace. that is worth the kites being over head- and me, just down here below, holding the strings.
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