i had to write something to get that picture of my giant belly off of front and center.
what a crazy week. emotions all over the place. celebrating jude entering his 7th year. processing our move to africa. looking at our lives each day imaging what it will be like when these things around us are gone-and our life smells different and sounds and looks unfamiliar. a week of finding out another classmate died. and reconnecting with old friends - different circumstances- glimpses of how our lives touch- some now running races- some facing new illness- some with knowledge of that illness. a week with a lot of crying- because when it hits close to home- and you're grieving, you grieve many things - things from years ago, they come back to you like a scent or a song, right back to that place you were 20 years ago. it all leaks out- and what you thought you'd finished dealing with- is freshly back and demanding attention too. it was a week of being busy with the business of it all. i'm finding the need to catch my breath.
there were three great things today.
last night lily and her brother slept over and zoe was so excited to have a sleepover. but, lily needed to be with her brother who couldn't sleep - so zoe had to sleep alone. this was a huge disappointment for her. but - i was super impressed with her ability to acknowledge her disappointment and then, she was able to let it go.
then one of my favorite patients - who's disease was progressing - had a huge drop in his tumor markers- a sign that he's responding to 4th line chemotherapy, for now, and we'll take it. because that is what you do. you re-frame things. you take the good no matter what- even if it's just a spot of sun. the spot reminds us of the possibilities.
finally, my friend who is wrestling with the possibility of a challenging illness- told me she's had a moment of peace- a feeling that even what she was most afraid of - might be OK- a decrease in her anxiety- a space to breath. that makes me so happy.
i'm going to sleep early- with hope- for zoe, my patient and my friend- and thankful for all their spots of sun- and the privilege of having them each in my life.
what a crazy week. emotions all over the place. celebrating jude entering his 7th year. processing our move to africa. looking at our lives each day imaging what it will be like when these things around us are gone-and our life smells different and sounds and looks unfamiliar. a week of finding out another classmate died. and reconnecting with old friends - different circumstances- glimpses of how our lives touch- some now running races- some facing new illness- some with knowledge of that illness. a week with a lot of crying- because when it hits close to home- and you're grieving, you grieve many things - things from years ago, they come back to you like a scent or a song, right back to that place you were 20 years ago. it all leaks out- and what you thought you'd finished dealing with- is freshly back and demanding attention too. it was a week of being busy with the business of it all. i'm finding the need to catch my breath.
there were three great things today.
last night lily and her brother slept over and zoe was so excited to have a sleepover. but, lily needed to be with her brother who couldn't sleep - so zoe had to sleep alone. this was a huge disappointment for her. but - i was super impressed with her ability to acknowledge her disappointment and then, she was able to let it go.
then one of my favorite patients - who's disease was progressing - had a huge drop in his tumor markers- a sign that he's responding to 4th line chemotherapy, for now, and we'll take it. because that is what you do. you re-frame things. you take the good no matter what- even if it's just a spot of sun. the spot reminds us of the possibilities.
finally, my friend who is wrestling with the possibility of a challenging illness- told me she's had a moment of peace- a feeling that even what she was most afraid of - might be OK- a decrease in her anxiety- a space to breath. that makes me so happy.
i'm going to sleep early- with hope- for zoe, my patient and my friend- and thankful for all their spots of sun- and the privilege of having them each in my life.
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