okay. two kids is WAY easier than 4 kids. i can say that even with the two more challenging ones. its half the noise, half the fighting, half the whining, and half the needs, but maybe half the fun.
this weekend i am home with my girls while the boys have gone camping. it was supposed to be a family camping trip with two other families- but one of the things about zoe, or having a teenager with some extra challenges, is that sometimes plans change. like this weekend.
vacation is hard for kids who like constancy. routines are disrupted, things happen differently, expectations change, life becomes unpredictable for two weeks. this is partly my fault. i mean i could be organized and scheduled and re-create routine. i tried. i planned somethings, but maybe too many things, and zoe was telling me that she needed more down time. i dragged her around for three days, trying to convince her that this pool would be fun and this play-date would be good, but on thursday she has a little meltdown, and i realized that i wasn't really listening.
she's now a teenager. she has appropriately maturing opinions about what she wants to do. she is also a kid with social challenges who is working hard on knowing her limits and her boundaries. these things are both really good and important, and this combination makes it especially necessary for me to stop and listen and adapt to her needs.
and she was right. she needed down time. she needed to not be managing a camping weekend with people she doesn't know too well, in a place she doesn't know too well, with parents and siblings who would be distracted with other people and conversations and unable to fully attend to her need for extra help managing in all the newness.
becoming a parent is a lot about learning to adapt to others, learning that your kids are individuals, they are not mini-me's, which is tricky. becoming a parent to a child with special needs magnifies all this- there is a much greater need to adapt and it's perhaps more challenging to face and embrace their differences. becoming a parent to older children also requires more adaptation, and more acceptance of their individualism.
i'm proud of zoe for knowing her limits. i'm proud of her for her adapting all week to my busy plans and reminding me that i need to adapt too. and even though i would have loved to have spent this weekend camping, even though i totally miss my boys, staying home with my girls was the right thing.
this weekend i am home with my girls while the boys have gone camping. it was supposed to be a family camping trip with two other families- but one of the things about zoe, or having a teenager with some extra challenges, is that sometimes plans change. like this weekend.
vacation is hard for kids who like constancy. routines are disrupted, things happen differently, expectations change, life becomes unpredictable for two weeks. this is partly my fault. i mean i could be organized and scheduled and re-create routine. i tried. i planned somethings, but maybe too many things, and zoe was telling me that she needed more down time. i dragged her around for three days, trying to convince her that this pool would be fun and this play-date would be good, but on thursday she has a little meltdown, and i realized that i wasn't really listening.
she's now a teenager. she has appropriately maturing opinions about what she wants to do. she is also a kid with social challenges who is working hard on knowing her limits and her boundaries. these things are both really good and important, and this combination makes it especially necessary for me to stop and listen and adapt to her needs.
and she was right. she needed down time. she needed to not be managing a camping weekend with people she doesn't know too well, in a place she doesn't know too well, with parents and siblings who would be distracted with other people and conversations and unable to fully attend to her need for extra help managing in all the newness.
becoming a parent is a lot about learning to adapt to others, learning that your kids are individuals, they are not mini-me's, which is tricky. becoming a parent to a child with special needs magnifies all this- there is a much greater need to adapt and it's perhaps more challenging to face and embrace their differences. becoming a parent to older children also requires more adaptation, and more acceptance of their individualism.
i'm proud of zoe for knowing her limits. i'm proud of her for her adapting all week to my busy plans and reminding me that i need to adapt too. and even though i would have loved to have spent this weekend camping, even though i totally miss my boys, staying home with my girls was the right thing.
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