let life simply be enough

i remember last year when i was just here, at the beginning.  i was rootless and trying and things were new and exciting and life was being discovered again. now i have sunk in.  i am planted, and even though neighboring plants are being plucked up constantly, i am here and rooted and happy anyway.

this has been a long, full, dizzying week.  i have written almost everyday but have been unable to complete anything, which only adds to the dizzy feeling.  i think i haven't known what to think- i haven't known how to wrap things - so i've left things all undone- but that is beginning to undo me. in the middle of it all, i finally talked to my wise old little sister, who told me to begin with 'i remember' and not stop. so here i am, and i'm going to go backwards.

today i sat outside at sunset and watched the university soccer game, and tried my best to understand the luganda being spoken around me, and laughed out loud as much as i could.  i went because someone needed to be watched, and someone else needed to feel normal, and i needed to remember that it's good to be outside and watch the sky and be with people who you didn't give birth to even when it's dinner time, and enjoy the small parts.

today started with meeting kiprotich, the ugandan gold medal winner in the 2012 olympic marathon, on my way to the bathroom after the hour and a half commute to get the kids to school.  followed by a phone call from my worried friend that her son, who we'd been treating for lymphoma all year, just felt a lump.  and i had an early migraine and the traffic leaving school was horrible and while it was friday, it was only reminding me of how long the week had been.

but really, it had only been busy with the busy-ness of life.

it had been full of front porch doctor visits and home visits, and people stopping by with other needs.  it had been full of important things at unfortunate times, and unimportant things most of the time, and some wonderful new friendships and delicious moments with older new friendships.  it had been rich with lessons and things to reflect on with not enough moments to reflect.

so sometimes you just need to sit at the soccer pitch and watch.  sometimes you need to be there for a guy who was dealt a crappy hand on day one, but makes the best of it anyway.  sometimes you need to walk down and do a home visit on a friday afternoon and then help someone get off the couch and watch the game with you- because even if, God forbid their cancer is back, laughing at the other team missing the ball and forgetting about the lump you've found, is healing. sometimes you need to get out of your own head and breathe. 

while i sat in the stands, surrounded by college kids, watching the sun set and the ball get kicked around the field- i had that sense of being a kid again myself.  i remembered so many of my years that were lived in afternoons and evenings outside- with out being swallowed by the worry or banter of grown up concerns: which child is needing what or not doing what; are we accomplishing anything here, are we living out our mission; what will happen with rose; with zoe's school next year; when and how will we get home; what about fund raising.  sitting there, i just was, in my day, doing a good thing for myself and a few other people and letting that be enough. 

maybe that is what this week was about- in the busy mess of it- maybe what i learned from all the different parts, is to let life simply be enough, in whatever form is presented- in the tragedy and the humor-enjoy it as best we can, laugh as much as possible, and surround ourselves with people that help us smile.