a rose by any other name would smell as sweet

when i was fifteen, on the first day in history class, while trying to hide obscurely in the back of the classroom, my teacher called on me to explain this quote:

"What's in a name? That which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet."

it was a combined class- sophomores,  juniors and seniors.  i was a sophomore - a small and shy and unprepared one.  we were not in english class- what does shakespeare have to do with world history? i think i mumbled 'i don't know'. the senior boy behind me kept kicking my chair rhythmically and whispering, "who loves you babe?" which equally confused me.  was he making fun of me for not having a boyfriend? or did he love me? i chose to ignore him- because either way, i wasn't interested.  years later he took his own life with a shotgun and sometimes i think back to that room and that chair and i can hear his voice and i wonder who loved him?

i think back to that day, that quote.
i think about my rose.
my sweet rose.

what is in a name? what is in anything? what is a family?
what is in her name? what is her history? what will be her story?
what will be our story?

we don't know.
all we know is that we love her.  we can't take her out of the country right now. we can't go home to our other family. that we will need to go to court. that we have little control. that it remains very complicated.

when mike and i finally had a moment alone yesterday before picking up the kids, we pulled up the subject, out of that pile of unsavory topics awaiting our discussion, along with money and fundraising and master schedules.  i was reminded again why it is that i love him profoundly. because after we'd talked and come up with the various scenarios that we'd most likely be faced with about rose and her future, and i was feeling like we would be choosing from a collection of not good options, he said some very wise things, very calmly and lovingly.

he stated the facts: that the perfect classic ideal life for little rose, the norman rockwell happy family picture where everyone looks the same and has their basic needs met- had already been replaced with another one.  that the next best thing (in our limited 3 dimensional view) of her in our second tier rockwell picture, the one that includes different colors and an older girl blocking her ears next to a vacuum cleaner, but where everyone has the same last name and can all leave the country together- might not happen either.

but, he said.

we only see so far.  we see what we are used to, what is neat and well packaged.  but that the wacky, confusing, piecemeal family with new definitions? that might be exactly what is perfect for little rose.
and even for us. he said we have no idea. he said we have to do the best we can with the situation we have.  he said we'd already stepped outside of normal. that we can make a new normal and our new normal could be way beautiful. our new normal definition of a family, would become exactly what we understand our family to be. 

the situation is broken. she was born into broken.  but so was i really- we all are. we all have broken bits- and secrets and families that don't look like the rockwell scene. the funny part is that we keep trying to keep things at 'normal'.

i understand that quote now.
how things are named, or labelled can change- but the beauty in the truth of what is doesn't.
who knows how things in our life will be named, or what we will call our rose. but i think it will be just as sweet.