somedays you wake up with a migraine and you say "no way. not today" even though you want to desperately crawl back into bed. somedays you swallow your pill and put on your sneakers and you go to crossfit- because you know you need to. because you can't let IT rule, besides you'll feel poorly either way, so you might as well move your body and see your friends while feeling bad. that is what i did today and i'm so glad.
a wise friend once asked me why i thought i was "given" migraines. it was an interesting question. why is this the particular thorn in my side? and if i'm stuck with it, how can i learn from it, how can i use it for goodness?
so i thought about it.....migraines help me to understand suffering better. they remind me to be much more thankful than i ever was before, for days without pain, they remind me to pray for people who suffer. but they also help me to understand zoe better- they are unpredictable, they often take over, they make me feel crabby and helpless, they can somedays fill me with self-pity. i also know there are some things i can do and take, and some things i can avoid, to help myself not get headaches. and i know that my participation or avoidance of these things is frustrating and unfair. zoe also knows this for herself. these are things that zoe feels too. we have this in common. migraines help me to know a part of her life that i wouldn't be able to know if i wasn't "given" this "gift".
i wish i didn't have them. i wish zoe didn't struggle with nonverbal learning disorder. but these things are part of our life, like it or not, and we have to do the best we can with them.
maybe today i got out of bed with that throbbing head and put on my exercise clothes because of zoe- because of her example to me- because of her strength and ability to press on- even when it hurts and or is scarey. maybe because she gets herself up in these mornings, a week before she turns 13, and goes to a school where nobody else in her class struggles to learn, or has trouble filtering out sounds, or can't ride a bike, or has to wear a special seamless tag-less uniform. maybe i found the courage to get up and go because i was going for an hour, and she has the courage to get up and go all day. every. single. day.
today when i picked her up, this is what i saw:
she said, "mom! i'm the student council representative for my class! it's a real honor."
what??
"yes it is zoe! that is great! i'm so proud of you."
wow.
she doesn't just get up and go, she doesn't just blend in, this girl shines.
a wise friend once asked me why i thought i was "given" migraines. it was an interesting question. why is this the particular thorn in my side? and if i'm stuck with it, how can i learn from it, how can i use it for goodness?
so i thought about it.....migraines help me to understand suffering better. they remind me to be much more thankful than i ever was before, for days without pain, they remind me to pray for people who suffer. but they also help me to understand zoe better- they are unpredictable, they often take over, they make me feel crabby and helpless, they can somedays fill me with self-pity. i also know there are some things i can do and take, and some things i can avoid, to help myself not get headaches. and i know that my participation or avoidance of these things is frustrating and unfair. zoe also knows this for herself. these are things that zoe feels too. we have this in common. migraines help me to know a part of her life that i wouldn't be able to know if i wasn't "given" this "gift".
i wish i didn't have them. i wish zoe didn't struggle with nonverbal learning disorder. but these things are part of our life, like it or not, and we have to do the best we can with them.
maybe today i got out of bed with that throbbing head and put on my exercise clothes because of zoe- because of her example to me- because of her strength and ability to press on- even when it hurts and or is scarey. maybe because she gets herself up in these mornings, a week before she turns 13, and goes to a school where nobody else in her class struggles to learn, or has trouble filtering out sounds, or can't ride a bike, or has to wear a special seamless tag-less uniform. maybe i found the courage to get up and go because i was going for an hour, and she has the courage to get up and go all day. every. single. day.
today when i picked her up, this is what i saw:
she said, "mom! i'm the student council representative for my class! it's a real honor."
what??
"yes it is zoe! that is great! i'm so proud of you."
wow.
she doesn't just get up and go, she doesn't just blend in, this girl shines.
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