the meeting

this is a story.

it's a story of God taking a mess and making art.
of broken being way more than fixed, but shiny.
that is where we are. 

last night though, i was so stressed out about today's meeting with rose's birth mother that i couldn't do anything.  we couldn't even talk about it, we couldn't even pray about it- all we could do was mutter, "you know the deal- it's complicated- HELP", and watch 30 rock to distract ourselves.

i woke up. all. night. long. and prayed. mostly for rose, that she wouldn't feel fear, or abandonment, but that she would know she is loved by many.  i prayed for her birth mom- that she would know what she wants, that she would feel safe and good- and know that rose is loved by us.

i woke up to the alarm and no electricity.  i cooked porridge on the stove and made toast in the oven.  we ate by candle light and got dressed with headlamps and i had that sick feeling like i did before jude had his mri's- like the rug might be pulled out from under me.

the meeting was crazy weird cool.  nine people from different corners of the world with a shared purpose- doing the best we could for rose. four people from a remote tribe way up north- with patterned scarring on their faces- two highly educated muzungus holding the small girl birthed by one of the four- and the social workers and lawyer. the languages blurred around us- lunganda, karamajong and some english.

we introduced ourselves.
"i am kristen reid", i said.
her birth mom laughed as she nursed her new baby.
that is roses birth name- "kristen" the translator said.

she knew what she wanted. she wants us to raise rose, to educate her, but to still know her- to be able to see her.  she wants us to journey north together with rose- to the village- to the grandparents- to the clan elders.  we are literally going to a tribal council.  that is how things happen - it's not just a birth mom's decision, it's a clan decision.  we are now connected- is what she said- we are now friends.

this story is beginning- it's early on- chapter one. a story from abandoned sick on the street, to growing up loved by two families.  and somewhere in this other things will grow and bloom because that is the way God works.  He loves complicated.  He loves confusion and not easy and especially hopeless and what seems doomed.

those hours before the meeting i kept thinking how i wished i would feel in my heart what i knew in my head.  that i should be really excited for what was about to take place- that when God is running the show- really amazing things happen- things we can't even fathom sometimes. 

it's all pretty amazing. that rose will know her birth mom- her grandparents- her people, in an ongoing way.  that we have been invited to raise her- we've been trusted with her- we've been asked to come to their village- to meet the family- to see and feel and taste and smell the place that she comes from- a place so far from what she will know most of the time.  a place that we want to know, to share with her- to be a part of us, as she is.

i think maybe the world just got a little bit smaller.