it's 8:15.
all the kids were so tired that they got ready for bed and went to bed practically with out being asked.
except for rosie.
who appeared terrified.
i mean she was not about to lie down in that bed in the dark. even with a lantern. even with zoe beside her.
it was not happening.
i walked around the house with her singing the two swahili lullabies that i know (kind of know) and every time i came anywhere near, any bedroom, she began to wail and cling to me. so i came into the living room where mike was typing on the computer and held her on the most comfortable chair i could find. she nestled into me, head on my chest, hearing the breathing and the heartbeat, until she feel asleep.
i was so thankful for those minutes. i wondered when the last time was that she was held until she fell asleep? i wondered if her birth mom sang to her?
i rubbed her little foot with my thumb and felt her scar on the top of her foot.
just like mine i thought. except mine is a birth mark and hers, a tribal marking.
i'm sure she will wake up soon, and be terrified. i'm hoping we'll be able to get her back to sleep. that she won't feel betrayed that i put her back in her bed after she fell asleep- that i won't have messed up trust.
someone asked me how long it would take for me to love her as much as i love my other kids.
is it weird that i already do? that i did even before today?
all the kids were so tired that they got ready for bed and went to bed practically with out being asked.
except for rosie.
who appeared terrified.
i mean she was not about to lie down in that bed in the dark. even with a lantern. even with zoe beside her.
it was not happening.
i walked around the house with her singing the two swahili lullabies that i know (kind of know) and every time i came anywhere near, any bedroom, she began to wail and cling to me. so i came into the living room where mike was typing on the computer and held her on the most comfortable chair i could find. she nestled into me, head on my chest, hearing the breathing and the heartbeat, until she feel asleep.
i was so thankful for those minutes. i wondered when the last time was that she was held until she fell asleep? i wondered if her birth mom sang to her?
i rubbed her little foot with my thumb and felt her scar on the top of her foot.
just like mine i thought. except mine is a birth mark and hers, a tribal marking.
i'm sure she will wake up soon, and be terrified. i'm hoping we'll be able to get her back to sleep. that she won't feel betrayed that i put her back in her bed after she fell asleep- that i won't have messed up trust.
someone asked me how long it would take for me to love her as much as i love my other kids.
is it weird that i already do? that i did even before today?
2 comments:
Kris, I work with a young women in my church who was adopted from Russia when she was 5 years old. She suffers from Asperger's syndrome. She was placed on a plane with her adoptive brother, another unrelated Russian child, and told nothing about what to expect. She tells me that she was terrified and since no one could communicate with her she had no one to soothe her fears. She had lived in the orphanage her entire life and had no knowledge of social norms outside that environment, and social norms are a problem for her. I'm just thinking that if there is someone who can communicate with Rose, maybe that will help calm her.
You know? The first thing I thought when I read the end of this was, "She already does love her." And then you said it! Ha! Those who know you would understand. You are something very special. I love watching this unfold. . .thanks for taking us along.
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