lowering the expectations- pays off again

i need to give a shout out to zoe, jude and bryn for how well they have handled the transition of having a little sister.  especially a little sister who begins at age two and doesn't speak english and never has had to experience other children having ownership rights over their toys.

thanks to my new years resolution of lowering the expectation, i had been prepared for the worst.  i'd assumed that everyone would wet their beds on the first night; that zoe would return to talking in the wobbly voice, that jude would have school anxiety as a manifestation of home anxiety, and that bryn would start sucking his thumb to remind us that really he's the baby.

but no.  not.  nada.  dry beds- even rosies diaper was dry.  no wobbly voice, school's been great, and bryn acts more mature- getting up, dressed and teeth brushed with out being asked.  i mean the three of them argue over who gets to help rose to the bathroom, to brush her teeth, or to take off her shoes.  they disagree over which one of them rose likes best- or has received more of her hugs.  i mean- they have way exceeded my expectations.

and rose? well she's done pretty well herself.  aside from having to spend the past three days mostly with me- when i know she'd much rather be with the her siblings- she's done great. she wants to learn, she wants to please, to help, to know what is expected of her.  if it's at all not clear, she pushes the boundary to see if we stand our ground. am i really going to take away her giant bag of peanuts so she doesn't eat herself sick even if she throws a tantrum? yup. am i going to follow through and take away zoe's littlest petshop pet poster if she tries to draw on it? yup. 

i secretly love these moments.  because while i hate to hear her cry, and it gets the other kids all riled up, it helps her to feel safe when she knows that we are actually in control and love her even if she messes up and spits the peanuts out on her lap to show me how mad she is that took them away.  she needs to know that we've got it- we've got her. that home is safe.  that rules are consistent. that consequences are consistent.  that things are pretty fair.  because knowing this will help put her at ease, will help her relax- will help her trust.

it was a much better day :)