what i can do

it's a pouring pelting cold rain and a beautiful tumultuous sky- loud and dark and pocketed with brightness and light.  the earth has given way.  the silence of the dry season- the quiet cracked ground-is filled with the sense of more now.  it is good.

today is ash wednesday.  the beginning of lent- that 40 day journey to the cross- to understanding or trying to, the love of a God that led to such sacrifice.  40 days of pilgrimage- of walking in the wilderness- of experiencing God.

it's timed well- this rain. cool air and change bringing reflection- marking beginnings.  this season for me isn't going to be about giving up chocolate or alcohol or starting to run.  in this season i'm going to attempt lots of things- but i'm going to do one thing.  i'm going to try to be intentionally simple. and  instead of trying to create moments to enjoy, i'm going to try to just enjoy the moments.  i'm going to try to be more thoughtful about what i do and say and write.

but what i'm going to do, is to start each morning, when my feet hit the ground, by asking God to walk with me, to bear with me, maybe to hold me some of the time. because this is about all i've got and the really great thing is that it's all i need.  i just need to show up.  i just need to ask for help on the path- guidance on the journey- companionship on the pilgrimage.

trying doesn't get me very far- relying does.  i know i'll fail- to be intentional- to be simple- to just enjoy- to be thoughtful.  but these days aren't about me succeeding in being a better version of me- they are about me experiencing the extraordinary- about discovering the sacred- about me delving into the unknown with God. 

so each morning i'm going to ask him to take my broken pieces and be gentle as we walk through the day.  i''ll warn Him that he might get cut if he bumps into me, but He won't care. and i'm going to warn him that i will be trying, but i usually mess it up, but He already knows that.  i'm going to remind him that i often lose my temper, and get easily frustrated, am highly impatient, and often eat chocolate for breakfast when my kids aren't looking, but He will say that's fine. and then He'll probably remind me of my good parts, and whisper that so far i'm not being simple, and i'll say 'oh right!' and well go have breakfast (i'm hoping He likes chocolate!).  

"Jesus may we follow you on the pilgrim way of Lent,
May we journey with you into the wilderness,
Willing to move beyond the ordinary,
So that we can discover your unexpected sacred places. 
Jesus may we wash our hands and purify our hearts,
Learning to thirst after righteousness and hunger after justice,
May we humble ourselves before you,
Expecting to see you revealed in a new light.
Jesus may we walk with you no matter how challenging the path,
Learning to be patient with darkness and growth,
Willing to live with not knowing, 
Until your mustard seeds take root and sprout into life."  
                     a lenten prayer from Godspace