light on the inside

i'm wondering if one thing most missionaries have in common is humility. (i'm not including myself in that group yet- although aspiring).  as i've looked around this week, and listened, and been awed and inspired by those people around me who do things and live places that make my big move to uganda look like a weekend at the ritz- i'm astounded at the theme of humility- of giving away credit when success is reached- of pointing up instead of to oneself. it's lived humility, it's an awareness of the essentiality of modesty in achievement.  the correct sense of ones place in the world, knowing our little areas of influence are small, we do our best, we show up, we are obedient. what has been most impressive is that it's real real.

what has spoken to me is the absolute backwardness of my thinking, of how my eyes mislead me- over and over again- of how the beauty that is inside perhaps the most beautiful people, isn't obvious, in fact it's often hidden, it's often missed.  there are people here in all shapes and sizes, with all different styles of dress, but i've noted a direct correlation of the sweetness of souls with the higher the knee socks are pulled- the more outdated the haircut- the more likely the outfit came from a missionary bin and not a european boutique.   i know, i'm making massive generalizations - again.  but i'm astounded at how quickly i'll write someone off- not seek someone out, only to find a complete source of wisdom, a treasure, a depth of knowledge.  when i finally shut up, and close my eyes- when i stop looking and start listening- i'm blow away by the person inside.

i'm not saying that cool people aren't sweet or that style doesn't matter - i'm just saying that we're missing a lot if we think it really does matter.  we see so dimly.  we don't go very deep. we waste our time trying to hard.  we care about things that don't hold much value- and we lose a richness in life that people who are less concerned with their outards enjoy and spread.

i love little white lights in almost any form- stars, christmas trees, on a porch- on the naked branches of winter trees- but i love them when they are turned on- when they are against the darkness, when there is contrast.  there is so much darkness- and we are to be light.  we are to bring hope and joy and peace and love.  we are to point up.  to remember the source.  the God who made us and loves us. 

the greatness of lives lived well, that greatness comes only in the humility- only in pointing up- only in caring more about being a light that looking like one. 

there is a woman at the conference who is blind. she has the most beautiful smile always.  she walks slowly with her cane in one hand an on the arm of someone else to guide her.  she has accepted her need, she is aware of certain limitations, she is freed from the error of our eyes.  she is free to listen to peoples hearts with out the bias that our dominant sense attaches.  there is a humility to her- a joyful, and beautiful light- and it shines.  how much she really sees.  it's so much more than me.