little white lights and hope

today is the first sunday in advent.

i treasure these sundays.  there are only 4 of them, and this year, the last sunday of advent is on my birthday, december 18th.
i'm still finding it hard to "feel" christmas here.

i grew up in new england- with cold and snow and chestnuts and roaring fires and hot cider.  there were even real reindeer at the natick outdoor mall during chrismas time.  people put up their trees and their lights and christmas 'yard art' and built snowman.  there were candles in windows, wreaths on doors, poinsettia plants on mantels and smoke coming from chimneys and everyone listened to christmas music and strung cranberry and popcorn strands and made paper chains and watched the same christmas specials over and over year after year.  frosty, rudolf, a charlie brown christmas, 'twas the night before christmas, and of course, the grinch.  church lawns had creche scenes and kids enacted christmas pageants.  schools did plays of dickens 'a christmas carol'.  we baked cookies and decorated them, we pulled out stockings and made ornaments and sang carols in nursing homes for old people who weren't with their families.  but perhaps my favorite part of all is the little white lights.  the ones that are wrapped like scarves around those naked leafless trees.  they make me fell warm inside. little white lights in the dark of night.  we also celebrated advent. our church and our family.  we collectively both acknowledged the season and purposefully remembered the reason behind christmas, to be sure it didn't get lost in the wrapping paper or buried in the gifts. 

i'm okay with out the cold and the snow, but i miss most of the rest of it.  american culture is very good at celebration.  we even start preping for the weekend on wednesday- as if it's a rare event- as if saturday and sunday are holidays.   i'm not finding this a big part of ugandan culture so far.  in fact when i get to work on monday and ask how peoples weekend was or what they did- they look at me funny.  'it was fine'.  and they usually did the same things they always do- live their lives.

christmas here feels the same- it feels ordinary.  i have found some shops with a few mangy fake trees displayed, advertizing their for sale christmas items- today i even heard christmas music in a store- but most of uganda looks exactly the same as it did in august. 

today we tried a new church.  it was nice in some ways- the music was familiar- it was a good mix of people, ugandan and expat- but it made me so homesick.  i missed my church and my people- those who i've grown to love dearly and grow with and celebrate with.  people who help me remember the reason behind things. today there was no mention of this sunday being a special sunday, no mention of it being the first sunday in advent.  they mentioned in 'announcements' about the childrens christmas play- but there was no focus on the process of 'His arrival' no acknowledgement of the need to prepare our hearts for the arrival of a baby who changed the world.

i gravitate toward the seasonality of life.  it's rhythms and patterns, the things that are reliable and steadfast- almost like old friends.  maybe it's because i'm not inherently organized, maybe it's because i don't buy the same things at the market each week or have a meal schedule, i currently don't even have a calendar.  i think this is why i crave the larger, external patterns or seasons.  why i love the sunrise and the sunset and the moon.

i need advent this year. 
i need to spend these weeks remembering the hope and the promise.  the hope that our life has meaning and purpose beyond our present daily experiences.  the promise that it does.  that God does big things with small people- makes beauty out of brokenness, creates light out of darkness.

so i'll do with out the tv specials and the icicles and the smoky chimneys and the excessive christmas  decor.  but maybe not the little white lights- i might need those to remind me of light in darkness and to keep me warm inside.