today i awoke to the alarm clock and had no idea where i was for about 30 seconds. looking around in the dark, i couldn't find any clues. then i caught the early light between the curtains, the blue of their fabric and i was oriented. i must have been in a very deep sleep. it's amazing to me how the body needs to shut down to heal. all systems need to rest- no extra energy to be expended- let the body do it's thing- let the mind do nothing- lie down, sleep it out. i'm so very thankful to be feeling better. and that i have other people in my life to keep things going- namely mike and florence. blessings i know many don't have.
today is a day of reflection and wondering.
“The time is ripe for looking back over the day, the week, the year, and trying to figure out where we have come from and where we are going to, for sifting through the things we have done and the things we have left undone for a clue to who we are and who, for better or worse, we are becoming. But again and again we avoid the long thoughts….We cling to the present out of wariness of the past. And why not, after all? We get confused. We need such escape as we can find. But there is a deeper need yet, I think, and that is the need—not all the time, surely, but from time to time—to enter that still room within us all where the past lives on as a part of the present, where the dead are alive again, where we are most alive ourselves to turnings and to where our journeys have brought us. The name of the room is Remember—the room where with patience, with charity, with quietness of heart, we remember consciously to remember the lives we have lived.”
― Frederick Buechner, A Room Called Remember: Uncollected Pieces
as i knew would happen when i started at Reach Out, i feel both the desire and the need to be there more than two mornings a week. i'm looking back and sifting through what is done and what's been left undone. i wrestle with what God's will is for me, for zoe, for our family. for the past two and a half years, it has seemed clear that i needed to be home with zoe- teaching her- going through that process- experiencing it- learning from it- growing in it. that has been my journey, our journey and it has been good and right- often hard- but affirming. i did it to meet a need. but now i'm seeing a different need and wondering what my response to that need will be.
i know it's an evolution- that in time it will become clear- that right now two mornings is enough. that climbing into that room, creating that space, sifting the past, with patience and charity and a quiet heart, will reveal what's to be next. i love that word 'charity'. provision of help, generosity towards, forgiveness. that is how we need to sort and sift our lives, our pasts, with charity. we are so good at doing it critically- but there is a need for gentleness and kindness, perhaps it is there where we will discover ourselves most.
today is a day of reflection and wondering.
“The time is ripe for looking back over the day, the week, the year, and trying to figure out where we have come from and where we are going to, for sifting through the things we have done and the things we have left undone for a clue to who we are and who, for better or worse, we are becoming. But again and again we avoid the long thoughts….We cling to the present out of wariness of the past. And why not, after all? We get confused. We need such escape as we can find. But there is a deeper need yet, I think, and that is the need—not all the time, surely, but from time to time—to enter that still room within us all where the past lives on as a part of the present, where the dead are alive again, where we are most alive ourselves to turnings and to where our journeys have brought us. The name of the room is Remember—the room where with patience, with charity, with quietness of heart, we remember consciously to remember the lives we have lived.”
― Frederick Buechner, A Room Called Remember: Uncollected Pieces
as i knew would happen when i started at Reach Out, i feel both the desire and the need to be there more than two mornings a week. i'm looking back and sifting through what is done and what's been left undone. i wrestle with what God's will is for me, for zoe, for our family. for the past two and a half years, it has seemed clear that i needed to be home with zoe- teaching her- going through that process- experiencing it- learning from it- growing in it. that has been my journey, our journey and it has been good and right- often hard- but affirming. i did it to meet a need. but now i'm seeing a different need and wondering what my response to that need will be.
i know it's an evolution- that in time it will become clear- that right now two mornings is enough. that climbing into that room, creating that space, sifting the past, with patience and charity and a quiet heart, will reveal what's to be next. i love that word 'charity'. provision of help, generosity towards, forgiveness. that is how we need to sort and sift our lives, our pasts, with charity. we are so good at doing it critically- but there is a need for gentleness and kindness, perhaps it is there where we will discover ourselves most.
1 comment:
I like those associations with the word "charity."
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