home sick

what a different kind of a day, when you wake up sick.  i think it's a 24 hour thing- comes on quickly and wrestles with your gut and bones.  for me these viruses seem to land in my spine.  and i realize when sick how interconnected we are- our parts- body parts, and mind and spirit and soul- the whole thing goes down together.  so most of this day, i've been asleep.  but when i've been awake- lying down and thinking- either planning out my next move-( to get a sweater took a while to muster up)- i think about people who live this.  i think about that little boy bonny, walking home from clinic yesterday 3km with AIDS/TB and another bout of malaria.

and i even think about zoe.  what is her world like?  when i'm sick, everything hurts-the littlest pressure from my boys leaning on me, the thought of putting on jeans is awful, or getting in the shower when my skin feels prickly. and because my sensory system is off- i have to think before i get up- i can't hurry.  so i wonder if this is what she deals with all the time? a chronic feeling of being out of sorts- of feeling the disconnect from her body. and the frustration that follows.

i have almost as hard a time with the 'laziness' that goes with sickness, as i do the sick feeling itself.  i hate being incapacitated.  i hate not being able to get out of bed- to rely on other people to get me tea.  there is also that lingering fear of 'how long will this go on?' because i have things i'm planning on doing tomorrow.

now that i'm awake and my head less cloudy and my bones less achy, i can say that i'm thankful for a few things here.  it's good to experience others perspectives.  it's good to be reminded of how it must feel to be a patient-or a child with a wacky sensory system- or someone suffering from chronic illness.  i'm also thankful that my mom recently brought 'lipton cup a' soup' from home, which helped today.  and although i miss her dearly and especially today, i'm thankful that despite my fears of being sick over here, and feeling so far from home,  living on cement floors in africa  i'm just fine - even being sick by candle light- cement floors and all.

and the world spins madly on.