i'm in that weird place of getting ready to leave a place. that place of feeling time. it's hot outside- sticky, stagnant heat and i want it all to slow down- to make time do what the weather feels like- i want the world to mosey. to slow dance. to stretch out and just be.
i have that feeling of leaving a place like you want to savor it. like you can see ahead and you know what's coming and you want to remember what you're leaving- what your loosing-not in a bad way- but in a real way.
today is friday and so i was blessed to be at work. blessed to be able to care for others. blessed to feel it as a blessing and not as something that consumes me.
two of my favorite patients are in the hospital- sick. one is like my african american father. he is. i'm trying to be objective- but i'm finding that i'm advocating for him like i would for my dad. this is probably a good thing.
today i gave my letter (email) of resignation. i adjusted pain medications. i called the airline and inquired about flying pets. i discussed prognosis. i looked at the budget. i gave someone a hug and told him his cancer was progressing. i am in two places. here, and there.
these are the snippets of my day.
yesterday, was good but especially in comparison to the years before. yesterday we were at the pool for hours with various friends entering and exiting and zoe did very well. i was remembering where we were years ago- one year ago, two years ago- and how hard it was. how a vacuum could ruin everything. how a sticky thought could send her flying. and those things were there yesterday. and there were some sticky thoughts- there was a vacuum. but she did it. i did it. we overcame. we saw small victory- we saw diffusion. and it makes me breath a sigh of relief- a sigh of thanks to God.
right now, i'm listening to paul simon, to 'graceland', and it reminds me of being 17 and feeling the heat of that african sun on my left arm as i sat in the front passenger seat of the SUV bumping along the dirt roads of kenya. my two-tone tan- my first taste of that land that i love- the scent of the burning leaves and trash- the dust on my feet.
trying to wrap my mind around this upcoming newness.
place and time and here and there- now and then and to be.
it's all good.
i have that feeling of leaving a place like you want to savor it. like you can see ahead and you know what's coming and you want to remember what you're leaving- what your loosing-not in a bad way- but in a real way.
today is friday and so i was blessed to be at work. blessed to be able to care for others. blessed to feel it as a blessing and not as something that consumes me.
two of my favorite patients are in the hospital- sick. one is like my african american father. he is. i'm trying to be objective- but i'm finding that i'm advocating for him like i would for my dad. this is probably a good thing.
today i gave my letter (email) of resignation. i adjusted pain medications. i called the airline and inquired about flying pets. i discussed prognosis. i looked at the budget. i gave someone a hug and told him his cancer was progressing. i am in two places. here, and there.
these are the snippets of my day.
yesterday, was good but especially in comparison to the years before. yesterday we were at the pool for hours with various friends entering and exiting and zoe did very well. i was remembering where we were years ago- one year ago, two years ago- and how hard it was. how a vacuum could ruin everything. how a sticky thought could send her flying. and those things were there yesterday. and there were some sticky thoughts- there was a vacuum. but she did it. i did it. we overcame. we saw small victory- we saw diffusion. and it makes me breath a sigh of relief- a sigh of thanks to God.
right now, i'm listening to paul simon, to 'graceland', and it reminds me of being 17 and feeling the heat of that african sun on my left arm as i sat in the front passenger seat of the SUV bumping along the dirt roads of kenya. my two-tone tan- my first taste of that land that i love- the scent of the burning leaves and trash- the dust on my feet.
trying to wrap my mind around this upcoming newness.
place and time and here and there- now and then and to be.
it's all good.
2 comments:
What's the difference? The difference is you, dear friend! You, (in the words of your lovely daughter) are wonderful!
Xo
Erin
Also....we will be in your hood Sunday for the summer fest! 4 pm!
is it saturday? or sunday?
Post a Comment
Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.