i keep dreaming about scary dangerous things. a giant african pond fish eating zoe. a broken railroad bridge high up on a mountain that i'm traversing. all of them have a foreign flavor- and the feeling (which is i think what they tell you to pay attention to in a dream) is a complete mix of fear, anxiety over how to handle the situation and a curiosity- like i'm watching it from afar waiting to see what will happen. i guess it's kind of obvious why i'm having these dreams- we sort things in our sleep.
today has been scrumptious- well, except for the absolute mental block that my children have about shutting the door- when it's 96 degrees outside and i'm air-conditioning the house.
the front yard was shady, there was a breeze and my boys set up a lemonade/watermelon stand. they sat out there trying- one of them eating the watermelon- the other one holding up the sign- we get very little foot traffic- and it was a monday morning. "A" for effort.
on the front porch if i look up, the wooden ceiling is painted a very light blue and there is a white ceiling fan and it gives me the feeling of being at a new england beach house. i love being able to mentally step out of one place and into another- i will miss things like this- the blue chipped painted ceiling.
two ladies in electric wheelchairs scooted by and happened to have a craving for watermelon- and they gave a 50% tip.
jude and bryn were joined by zoe, then lily and luke.
kids just hanging around on a summer morning. it's so good to just let them be- with out agenda or plan- with out the jam-packed extracurricular schedule.
before they got the idea for the lemonade stand- jude was planning on selling himself singing a justin bieber song for the bargain of $600- i suggested he reconsider the fee, he lowered the price to $5.95, but i think the lemonade for a dollar was the right choice.
we had a lunch picnic on the front lawn.
and in between all that i must have screamed "SHUT THE *(&JI(&*(#) DOOR!!!!" 9 million times. i mean i just don't get it. how hard is it? you opened it, so why can't you shut it? and it's not just the door- it's the toilet seat. again- you opened it, why can't you shut it? fo' reals'?
then we went to the pool.
today i got to play in the pool- like i did when i was a kid. i did hand-stands in the shallow end- and forwards and backwards somersaults and just floated on my back- listening to the hum of the pool and the splashing and kicking all around. it was fun- like kid-fun. then i went to the deep end- i went off the diving board- front dives and back dives and again- so much fun. it had been way too long since i've gone off a diving board and it made me think- what is wrong with me? why have i been just hanging around the shallow end with a child on my arm- or talking on the phone or chit-chatting with someone and not playing, not doing those things i love?
has life really become just sunscreen applying, snack fetching and screaming about toilet seats and front doors being left open?
no.
but then i remembered why.
the past few years at the pool- i've had my hands completely full. i had two little boys who didn't swim and a zoe who did, but was derailed by most things. my anxiety meter was on high alert- my need to focus on their needs was 150%. i was lucky if i remembered to breath.
so today, as i played and floated and actually considered doing a flip (but in a different swimsuit) i realized how much better this summer has been. how much better zoe is doing- coping- handling her days. and the fact that the most annoying thing in my day is shouting "SHUT THE DOOR!" is really a praise God moment- because believe me- i know- i remember- it could be so, so much worse!
today has been scrumptious- well, except for the absolute mental block that my children have about shutting the door- when it's 96 degrees outside and i'm air-conditioning the house.
the front yard was shady, there was a breeze and my boys set up a lemonade/watermelon stand. they sat out there trying- one of them eating the watermelon- the other one holding up the sign- we get very little foot traffic- and it was a monday morning. "A" for effort.
on the front porch if i look up, the wooden ceiling is painted a very light blue and there is a white ceiling fan and it gives me the feeling of being at a new england beach house. i love being able to mentally step out of one place and into another- i will miss things like this- the blue chipped painted ceiling.
two ladies in electric wheelchairs scooted by and happened to have a craving for watermelon- and they gave a 50% tip.
jude and bryn were joined by zoe, then lily and luke.
kids just hanging around on a summer morning. it's so good to just let them be- with out agenda or plan- with out the jam-packed extracurricular schedule.
before they got the idea for the lemonade stand- jude was planning on selling himself singing a justin bieber song for the bargain of $600- i suggested he reconsider the fee, he lowered the price to $5.95, but i think the lemonade for a dollar was the right choice.
we had a lunch picnic on the front lawn.
and in between all that i must have screamed "SHUT THE *(&JI(&*(#) DOOR!!!!" 9 million times. i mean i just don't get it. how hard is it? you opened it, so why can't you shut it? and it's not just the door- it's the toilet seat. again- you opened it, why can't you shut it? fo' reals'?
then we went to the pool.
today i got to play in the pool- like i did when i was a kid. i did hand-stands in the shallow end- and forwards and backwards somersaults and just floated on my back- listening to the hum of the pool and the splashing and kicking all around. it was fun- like kid-fun. then i went to the deep end- i went off the diving board- front dives and back dives and again- so much fun. it had been way too long since i've gone off a diving board and it made me think- what is wrong with me? why have i been just hanging around the shallow end with a child on my arm- or talking on the phone or chit-chatting with someone and not playing, not doing those things i love?
has life really become just sunscreen applying, snack fetching and screaming about toilet seats and front doors being left open?
no.
but then i remembered why.
the past few years at the pool- i've had my hands completely full. i had two little boys who didn't swim and a zoe who did, but was derailed by most things. my anxiety meter was on high alert- my need to focus on their needs was 150%. i was lucky if i remembered to breath.
so today, as i played and floated and actually considered doing a flip (but in a different swimsuit) i realized how much better this summer has been. how much better zoe is doing- coping- handling her days. and the fact that the most annoying thing in my day is shouting "SHUT THE DOOR!" is really a praise God moment- because believe me- i know- i remember- it could be so, so much worse!
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