the fish story

this is the story of a little girl and a great big faith.

a few years ago, zoe wanted a pet.  it was before the days of clover the dog.  with three little kids, one being zoe, we needed the most low maintenance of all pets.  say it with me now..... the fish.

we went to the pet store.  we got the traditional 'fishbowl' bowl.  we purchased some colored rocks and a single plastic plant and the kids picked out three goldfish, "whitey",  "finny", and "sparkles".  i was impressed at the names actually.  zoe names most things exactly what they are.  "this is my turtle, i'll call him turtly" .  so i was expecting "fishy1, 2, and 3".

"whitey" was an all white goldfish.  "finny" was black, and had fins (but so did they all).  "sparkles" wasn't really sparkly but she liked the name- and so did i.

whitey and finny died with in 2 days.  perhaps they were over fed. perhaps they were traumatized by three faces starting at them and tapping on their bowl all day.  perhaps they felt badly that sparkles had the better name.  but there they were- belly up.

the boys were really little and didn't yet appreciate ownership or death.  they were more fascinated that the fish had stopped swimming and now could only float.  they were more fascinated by their next trip down the toilet to fish heaven. technically, whitey was bryns and finny was judes- so zoe wasn't that upset- because at least sparkles was still alive, at least sparkles swam on.

i realized that fish weren't like plants (although i kill most plants in my house too) they might need something other than just water.  i also realized that i might be in for regular trips to the pet store if i didn't figure out how to keep a fish alive.

so we went back to the pet store and got the fish tank upgrade- the one with the aeration system.  now sparkles would have small bubbles to freshen her water.  (i know it was a her- because all zoe's animals and any other object in her possession, are always female).

sparkles was happy.  zoe was happy.

this went on for a while.  months actually.  she'd get fed, too much one day, then not at all for a few days.  every so often a pondish smell would waft around the house and we'd realize it was time to change the water and so we did- gently.  always slowly transitioning sparkles into her new environment- a bit of the old with a bit of the new water.

but one day we came home from church and noticed sparkles was belly up floating at the top of the fish bowl.

"zoe,"  i said, " i'm so sorry, but sparkles has died."

"no mommy, i think she's sleeping."

"no, zoe.  remember whitey and finny?  this is what they looked like when they died.  see?  she's not moving." i said while tapping on the bowl and watching sparkles body float with the shifting water.

"i know the Lord can heal sparkles. i'm going to pray to the Lord."  said zoe emphatically as if she were never more sure of anything in her life.

"oh zoe," i said, " i know this is hard.  you've had sparkles for a while now.  i know it's so hard to have her die.  but God doesn't really work that way.  He doesn't bring fish back to life."

"well, yes He can."  said zoe.  again, no doubt.

'OK God,' i'm thinking.  'here is a little girl with a great big faith.  how are you going to handle this?'

"oh dear Lord Jesus,  please heal sparkles!  please bring her back!  i know you can."

i was holding my breath, wondering how long this was going to go on.  how many prayers would need to be uttered before she'd accept sparkles fate and we could flush and move on.

zoe stood there transfixed, frozen beside that bowl, eyes on sparkles.  i stood there beside zoe, watching her watch her fish.

"mommy! look! look at sparkles!"

i looked.  and there before my doubting eyes was the wiggle of a sparkly tail.  there before my grown up eyes, sparkles flipped over and swam around the bowl mouth opening and closing- alive as ever.

i was shocked.  i think i stood there with my mouth opening and closing too.

"i told you mommy! seeeeee"

sparkles had indeed come back to life.  i saw it with my very own eyes.  this happened 3 more times before sparkles finally did die months later.  who knows, maybe sparkles had a fish seizure disorder, maybe sparkles had narcolepsy.  maybe sparkles had a really good sense of humor and could play dead really well. 

but for zoe, God had heard her.  for zoe, God had answered her prayer.  her faith was honored.  possible reasons didn't matter, explanations were not important.  a little girl believed in the intersection of the spiritual and the material.  but i don't know if it was more for zoe or for me.  to be reminded of transcendence.  to be reminded of the importance of faith, of the need to believe.  to be reminded that miracles can happen.  to reminded and taught that life is full of surprise.  that parents don't know everything.  and that God hears little girls.