lessons from the high

today we went to the high museum of art.  as hard as it's been for me to let go of copywork and math sheets and reading summaries and our history text- i've decided that we need to embrace the freedom we have in homeschooling- and explore and embrace atlanta before we leave it.  this was met by resistance from zoe- before she knew what the change was going to be- because she announced, that she just hates change- no matter what it is. but i actually think she liked today- except for the fact that i was too cheap to pay for parking and we had to walk in the 'cold' for a while.

when we got there- she was being a brat.  everything was a problem- the path we'd walked was different- it was too cold- she wanted to see mikes work (even though he's not there)- then she did the wiggly walk when we arrived at the museum.  i was super annoyed.  can't we just go to the museum and enjoy ourselves?  then she admitted that she was feeling kind of nervous, as she clutched her 'powerpuff girl plush toy' (as she calls it).  she felt like there were a lot of people around- which was weird because there really weren't.  and i had that tremendously conflicted feeling.  the feeling of completely not getting it, not understanding how someone could feel anxiety or anticipatory anxiety, in a nearly empty art museum- but also of knowing how bad anxiety feels and hating it for her. but the larger feeling was truly, annoyance.  

we were going to see the toulouse-lautrec exhibit.  to get there we walked through the modern art collection.  this was nice space- big, bright, and empty except for the  gallery guards.  the paintings are also large and it's quiet and zoe began to calm down.  in the toulouse exhibit, there was a tour group - a bunch of high school kids and people talking loudly about the paintings and zoe didn't like it- she wanted to go back to the enormous white walls, and scalloped renzo piano ceiling of the modern art section- and so we did.  but zoe wouldn't be zoe with engagement.  so she be-friended the haitian guard and the two of them discussed each piece on the floor. 

which was his favorite and why?

what about the next piece? who had painted it? where were they from?

how did the get the canvas into the shape of lips?  

and on and on.

he loved it.  and as we got ready to move to the next floor she thanked him so much, asked him his name, and then thanked him again, by name.

"zoe" he said, " you've made my day!"

again.  my girl.  je ne sais quoi.
her greatness- in her servanthood- putting others first.  

she seems to know what she needs to do to calm down.  she also seems to know what other people need.  after her stroll through modern art- she was done with her anxiety- she had transitioned and we were off.  

as i watched her- i tried to step back and and see her through their eyes.  hundreds of kids come in each week and how many of them stop to speak with the guards?  how many stop to ask which paintings they love as they stand in that gallery all day?  i realized, knowing zoe, that her questions aren't generated out of a desire for  knowledge about the paintings themselves.  in fact if we were on a guided tour, she'd either tune out, or say it's boring.  what she loves is hearing about other peoples lives- she loves connecting with them.

my annoyance melted away and my pride in her grew.  we'll get there - i realized- 

with some grace and some love- we'll both get there.