zoe's shine

zoe has had a good week.  much better than mine. she's been more mature in many ways- and more insightful- than i have.  and i'm impressed.  she's managed to remind me, and mike, that we need to be more patient, to remember that some things are really hard for her.

last night mike was supervising her washing her hair.  he was understandably annoyed that she wasn't doing an affective job after so many years of teaching her.  she gently told him that its actually hard for her to remember the steps, the order of them, and then to get her body to do it.
we take so much for granted. we for whom this comes naturally.

today i had yet another star parenting moment.  i was getting irritated with her slow pace with eating breakfast, and getting ready.  so i said, "can't you try to act like an eleven year old? it's simple- get dressed, eat your breakfast, brush your teeth, get your shoes on, get your coat on! "  zoe's response, "mom- i'm sorry.  i'm trying.  it's harder for me to keep track of everything because of my nonverbal learning disability!" oh.  right. "i'm sorry zoe." i'm an idiot.

but the most impressive thing was how she read her brothers mood last night, and directly addressed it. in fact, she addressed the large stomping elephant in the room- that i couldn't name- the same elephant that has been bothering me all week.

her little brothers are almost 4 and almost 6 and they are wonderful- but they drive her crazy sometimes.  last night they were more hyper than usual, especially jude.  he was really acting out and bothering everyone.  i was not responding well.  i was just reacting to him.  getting mad.  giving time outs and taking away dessert.

then zoe stands between us and says, "mom- you know what's going on here? jude is really stressed about moving to uganda and having to make new friends- that's why he's acting like this- i can sense it. it's OK Jude- i feel that way too."  it was so perfect, so insightful, so mature and aware, and what made it even better, and definitely humbling, was that i had missed it.  i have been so caught up in getting mad at everyone's grumpiness, everyone's inability to meet my expectations- that i had forgotten to step back and think about what is really going on- for all of us.  and zoe- the one with challenges picking up on social cues, the one who has a hard time with understanding facial expression and tone of voice and subtlety, she senses it, she names it.

jude told her that he's not stressed about moving to uganda and that only yoda can sense things like that.  now that zoe had set me on the right track- i picked him up and suggested that maybe he was anxious about the fact that the house is going for sale this month and we're starting to pack up our things.   yes- he said- he loves our house- he doesn't want to move- and what were we going to do with all our stuff?  it opened the door for many question to come out and be answered, for people to not feel alone with the changes that are happening. and it clued me into the root of my own underlying irritation and anxiety.  we have a lot going on.  no wonder!

i love that it was zoe who sensed it.  zoe who called it.  zoe who interpreted the mood of the house correctly and zoe who spoke it.  it's her gift- the cool part is, her ability to articulate it now.

then the icing on the cake happened at the orthodontist today. zoe was a little anxious because she was getting her bottom braces on. this woman was checking out while we were checking in. then we sat down and she left.  a minute later, she comes back in and says, " are you zoe?", "yes", "you probably don't remember me, but a few months ago i was here about to get my braces and i was so nervous and you told me all about it, and reassured me that it wasn't that bad and told me how you handle feeling nervous about it all.  you gave me so much comfort and i wanted to come back and thank you."
again, zoe shines.