raking for stillness

the house is officially on the market.  and mike is now on his way to africa.  and today i became the home-steading prairie wife.

we stayed up late last night, and mike got most of the tasks done- but there were a few remaining- that would generally fall to him.  yard work.  new mailbox installation. and monkey bar removal- well, finishing it, and screen repair.  since the 'for sale' sign hangs in the front- i decided the front yard should be my priority. so i spent 2 hours raking, pine-strawing, sweeping, bagging leaves and planting some flowers.  and so i had 2 hours to think- to be- and that was wonderful- and in it, i found stillness.  i found lots of other things too.

i found that being outside and smelling the air and the leaves and the dirt takes me back in time.  that getting that dirt underneath my fingernails and on my palms reminded me of playing and of things being less serious.  i found the beginning of crocuses - that i wouldn't have noticed for several days if i wasn't laying pine straw, and i found a dead fallen branch with a fungus that looked like raisins. and my imagination started to move- i began to ask questions.  i began to think about how far away we've moved from the land, too far,  and away from the work it takes to keep the land.  and i began to think about people in the neighborhood taking care of their land together- of growing things or even just raking- and the community and conversations  that can come from that.  we've all gotten too specialized.  too busy.  we out-source everything.  and we're left with clean hands and neat yards- but we miss the engagement with the leaves and grass and what they have to teach us.  they remind us of time.  that things die and grow.  that some things live off other things. that the earth can just do fine with out us- that wild will return to wild.  fallen leaves will eventually turn to dirt.

i felt real.  i could see my accomplishment- slightly painful but relatively quick gratification.  and i realized what we're missing by not having those 2 hours.  we're missing process time.  like what night does but for the awake mind.  time to be busy- to wear out the body- and in it, to quiet the mind.  peace follows.  and an appetite for meat. and a readiness for a good night sleep.

i began to think about the medical plights of most patients in the US who go to see their primary care physician.  depression, obesity, insomnia, the fall out from obesity- diabetes, high blood pressure, knee pain and back pain, more depression.  i began to think about the circles these aliments chase each other in.  and i thought about my dirty hands and my blisters and my peace.

what if we all were prescribed 30 minutes of raking daily, and a good meal with a lot of water.  i think we'd start to sleep better- feel happier- be less bored- be more creative- be less sad- lose weight- eventually have less joint pain.  then i took it one step further.  what if we all started to think and talk about what we're thankful for.  what if we all started to apologize to one person each day- just to be mindful of our own self centeredness.  even if it's just the person who we didn't let turn in front of us while driving- or the telemarketer who we were rude to- or the child we snapped at- or the husband we weren't forgiving of coming home an hour late.

i think the world would be kinder.  more joyful.  this came from 2 hours with a rake- a lot of leaves and some sweat. and this worn old lady is going to bed.