the wind today

right now i can feel God in the wind- moving things- shaking things up- then being quiet and waiting- then moving again.  i'm out on the back porch- regrouping- it has been a challenging day of a homeschooling.  zoe's brain is just off- and i can tell it's making her crazy.  we've plodded through- albeit with many an inappropriate comment from me ("That's it! i'm going back to work!") super- way to model handling frustration- way to be helpful- as if she would say "oh no- not that! OK i'll get it together now!" being a parent is so humbling.

by the time her domestic science class rolled around at 11- i was due for a break- there was no way i was going to class. apparently she felt the same way- when i picked her up- she was playing ping-pong with some boys while her class worked on their menu planning activity.  ( i would have done the same thing probably- but that's not the point).  her teacher remarked that at least she wasn't bothering the other kids.  that is good news.  she reminded me of Shiva- the twin brother of Marion in Cutting for Stone- his inability to function in school- despite his intelligence- his almost confident focus on what mattered to him and his ability to "climb into the tree house in his head, escaping the madness below, and pulling the ladder up behind him".

everything i told her to do- she either 'forgot' or just tuned out- was it disobedience or just legit confusion, inattention, overload?  it's hard to know with kids, but especially with nvld kids. one time an excellent therapist told me that when trying to figure out if behavior is just plain bad, vs. due to a disability- and then choosing to either punish it- or understand it - it behooves everyone to ere on the side of understanding.  she said if you're wrong and it's bad behavior- you can always adjust that- work on it, correct it later- but if you punish for disability- it will be years in therapy.  my heart was telling me to just let it go- give her the rest of the day as down time- but it's hard not to feel like i'm giving up- or giving in.  but that is what i did.

she just came running upstairs from down in the play room - elated.  she had been trying to climb up on top of this  ikea swing chair and use her arms to pull her up to swing on it instead of in it.  this is a HUGE motor challenge for her- it requires strength, coordination, balance and trusting your body.  in less than 5 minutes she'd done it- and done it with out help.  she is so proud of herself! i'm so proud of her.  it reminded me to trust my gut about her- to not over think it- each physical developmental milestone gets her brain more organized- we are all interconnected- mind, body, soul.

i think that cool north wind blew into the playroom and helped push her just a little onto that swing.
i think that cool north wind blew as i walked the boys to school and noticed the feel of their hands in mine- no longer the baby sized hands that get swallowed up, but they are now substantial - they fit.  
that wind blew in the grace to appreciate the leaves falling around us as we walked- to notice the contrast of the wet black bark and the pink and red and yellow leaves that still cling on- and the color of the blue gray sky.

God is everywhere.