Emmanuel

i always get sad after christmas. that sinking feeling that this season of hope- of advent- anticipation- the entrance of Love- the paschal mystery- the season of light- is over. that sinking feeling that the world must wait, another 12 months- that i must wait. but today, it felt especially dark.

we don't know what migraines are exactly. and since that is true, i'm going to attribute this acute sense of darkness to  some triggering or miss-firing of neurons during a bad migraine today. it was weird. it came out of almost nowhere with the beginning of a headache and it broke hours later after migraine medicine and sleep.

when i woke up from a small nap on the couch with my arm over my head- trying to be physically present with the kids, since i was absent in all other ways- i realized that i felt a sense of hope that was absolutely not there an hour earlier. in a sort of post-ictal foggy way, i went to my bedroom, lit some candles and remembered something i'd read from richard rohr in the morning- that for positive experiences to get imprinted in our brains we need at least 15 seconds with them. so i watched the flames from the 4 candles hold steady their light and i spoke some words of truth to myself and to God. because mediation on truth brings light.

Emmanuel, God with us

again and again.

Emmanuel, God with us

over and over.

contemplative prayer is meditation on truth. it calls us to stillness. quieting the inside. remembering the goodness of God's entrance and that it doesn't go away on december 26th.

Emmanuel, God with us

because that is huge. God is with us. all of us. each of us. wherever and whatever we are doing.

Emmanuel.

we can open our selves. look and listen. feel Him. let ourselves be held by Him.
hold onto the light.
hold onto the hope.
hold onto the Love.
and the mystery.

Emmanuel, God with us