from martha to mary

today was lovely.

it was internally and externally lovely.

i went to bed too late,  so 8am when i finally dragged myself up, felt too early.  we had friends from the boys school coming over so i'd told florence she didn't need to come today- knowing that it would be hard for her to get much done in a house full of kids.  but i was also curious about how it feel to have my house to myself.  by the time i'd slightly woken up and had a cup of coffee, i had about an hour to clean up and get cleaned up myself, with 4 kids trying to do the opposite.  but what was so great, what was so remarkable, is that i was calm, and happy, and relaxed.

this is probably absurd to most of you.  but i tend to have these goals that must be met, i tend to want things to be perfect- to have the house looking like it belongs in the african version of Dwell magazine- to have food prepared- to have my kids rooms cleaned and to have them behaving calmly - not chasing each other around the house screaming and shooting each other, wearing too short sweatpants, and too long hair, looking like true missionary kids.  i tend to like myself to be clean and showered before i have company, and preferably wearing something cute.


but my life is so. not. that.
my life is messy.
and loud.
and mismatched.

i suffer from the martha syndrome. not martha stewart, martha the friend of Jesus.  she was the one who frantically ran around the house cleaning and cooking and preparing things, while mary sat and listened to Jesus.  she was the one who missed out big time on talking to someone who would change her world.  she was that one who got angry that she was doing all the work.  but she was the one with her priorities out of whack. she was the one with the wrong stuff on the back burners of her life stove, the one putting self-proclaimed 'urgent' ahead of really important.

that is me most of the time. i hate my martha-ness.  i want to be chill mary- just rolling with it. i want to be so focused on the right stuff that i don't even notice the dust piles or the dishes.  i want to know when it's time to sit and listen- to let myself not miss out on true beauty because i've decided that tablecloths matter.

somehow today i got it right. i swept the floors and i put on a tablecloth- but i didn't yell at people for their lego messes. i didn't have time to straighten out bookcases, or make zoe clean up her room, or even take a shower- but i didn't care. i had a great morning just being in my life- doing what i could, but stopping to listen to the little, but more important voices.

right now there is a pack of kids drenched and running around the yard with a hose, muddy feet and legs and faces. there are wet clothes strewn all over the porch, with legos and light sabers and baby dolls and lids and blankies and necklace pieces.

right now kids are smiling and laughing and playing and having fun.
right now things are in their right places in life.
right now i'm sitting in the peace of mary.