the other day zoe was perched on her bed, in the nicest and largest room in the house that is now her own bedroom. the one separated from the rest of us- by the living room and kitchen. she had just lost her computer for watching youtube homemade videos of kids playing LPSs (littlest pet shop pets). i just find homemade videos online creepy- or potentially creepy or at least difficult to closely monitor, so that's my rule. and i've told her a thousand times- no youtube homemade videos!
this was her response
"ugghhh mom! i have NO FREEDOM!!!"
as if.
as if i hadn't just given her her own room.
as if i hadn't spent the last two hours picking through large baskets filled with silly bands and hair elastics and miniscule lego pieces and tires of small toy cars and felt-board characters and coins. sorting which parts of things should be kept, because they will be requested at some point soon (moms always know which random broken items have become treasures), and which can be thrown or given away.
as if i hadn't then lugged everything into the new room and found places for all the random treasures. that is true love. that was done FOR YOUR FREEDOM!! i wanted to yell back.
but.
you are almost 13. i'm annoying.
you couldn't resist watching the videos. you don't like consequences. you don't like punishments.
i don't get you- you say. you're right. i often don't get you.
but girly- i'm trying to give you some freedom. and space. and independence.
i want so badly for you to know these things- to be your own- to separate- to make your own choices- ones that won't hurt you.
freedom: the power or right to act, speak, or think as one wants without hindrance or restraint. (google def.)
is there such a thing? without hindrance? with out any restraint?
i don't think so.
i grew up with a brother and a sister and i understood my freedom in the context of my family. i heard my mom clarifying the definition of freedom a lot - "your freedom ends where his nose begins". it was really in the safety of the boundary that we found our freedom. when the venn diagrams of our lives overlap- the rules of freedom change in that shaded area.
boundary- something that indicates the farthest limit of an area. (google def)
boundary- the edges, the clarity, the perimeter, what hems us in behind and before, the limit that creates the space for full freedom and also gives safety- protection- care.
with out the rules, the edges, the limits, we can become unwound. overwhelmed. unfocused.
today i read psalm 16- "the boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places". i love this. that they are there- those boundary lines- because they provide direction and guidance and i need to be hemmed in. i choose containment- because i trust the one who sets my boundary.
the thing is, sometimes those lines aren't pleasant, they feel constricting and we feel claustrophobic and stuck and they are leading us straight up a high mountain pass. sometimes we feel tired and we long for a giant open space- a flat field. but we don't live on those hard trails forever. we do come to places where the stones roll back and the fences spread out and we can shed our packs and our heavy shoes and we can dance barefoot- and in that dancing our freedom explodes. as we feel the grass under our feet, we can look back and see what we learned along the way- that now we are able to dance out of a deeper level of graditude, with more passion than we ever had before- that He who lead us up that winding road- has turned our brokenness to fullness- our wailing into our dancing- our bondage into freedom.
i want this for my children. i want them to understand where their freedom lies. i want them to live life fully- to embrace guidance but to make their own choices- to transition to the natural consequences of their decisions. i want them to be prepared. to have the word in their heart- to know the one who guides them-to accept that boundaries are good, to trust them, to learn to set them for themselves sometimes. to act and think and speak in ways that bring freedom to many, not just themselves.
and oh, i so badly want them to dance.
this was her response
"ugghhh mom! i have NO FREEDOM!!!"
as if.
as if i hadn't just given her her own room.
as if i hadn't spent the last two hours picking through large baskets filled with silly bands and hair elastics and miniscule lego pieces and tires of small toy cars and felt-board characters and coins. sorting which parts of things should be kept, because they will be requested at some point soon (moms always know which random broken items have become treasures), and which can be thrown or given away.
as if i hadn't then lugged everything into the new room and found places for all the random treasures. that is true love. that was done FOR YOUR FREEDOM!! i wanted to yell back.
but.
you are almost 13. i'm annoying.
you couldn't resist watching the videos. you don't like consequences. you don't like punishments.
i don't get you- you say. you're right. i often don't get you.
but girly- i'm trying to give you some freedom. and space. and independence.
i want so badly for you to know these things- to be your own- to separate- to make your own choices- ones that won't hurt you.
freedom: the power or right to act, speak, or think as one wants without hindrance or restraint. (google def.)
is there such a thing? without hindrance? with out any restraint?
i don't think so.
i grew up with a brother and a sister and i understood my freedom in the context of my family. i heard my mom clarifying the definition of freedom a lot - "your freedom ends where his nose begins". it was really in the safety of the boundary that we found our freedom. when the venn diagrams of our lives overlap- the rules of freedom change in that shaded area.
boundary- something that indicates the farthest limit of an area. (google def)
boundary- the edges, the clarity, the perimeter, what hems us in behind and before, the limit that creates the space for full freedom and also gives safety- protection- care.
with out the rules, the edges, the limits, we can become unwound. overwhelmed. unfocused.
today i read psalm 16- "the boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places". i love this. that they are there- those boundary lines- because they provide direction and guidance and i need to be hemmed in. i choose containment- because i trust the one who sets my boundary.
the thing is, sometimes those lines aren't pleasant, they feel constricting and we feel claustrophobic and stuck and they are leading us straight up a high mountain pass. sometimes we feel tired and we long for a giant open space- a flat field. but we don't live on those hard trails forever. we do come to places where the stones roll back and the fences spread out and we can shed our packs and our heavy shoes and we can dance barefoot- and in that dancing our freedom explodes. as we feel the grass under our feet, we can look back and see what we learned along the way- that now we are able to dance out of a deeper level of graditude, with more passion than we ever had before- that He who lead us up that winding road- has turned our brokenness to fullness- our wailing into our dancing- our bondage into freedom.
i want this for my children. i want them to understand where their freedom lies. i want them to live life fully- to embrace guidance but to make their own choices- to transition to the natural consequences of their decisions. i want them to be prepared. to have the word in their heart- to know the one who guides them-to accept that boundaries are good, to trust them, to learn to set them for themselves sometimes. to act and think and speak in ways that bring freedom to many, not just themselves.
and oh, i so badly want them to dance.
3 comments:
She will dance. She will.
Also. . . here is the blessing. . . .how "typical almost thirteen year old" was that, anyway? Be sure to savor the everyday-ness in that, too. These are necessary rites of passage for our kids just as it was for us.
you are so right! and i am so so thankful for her "typical teen-ish" behavior- now if it would also come with the ability to wash her own hair reliably- i'd be thrilled!! haha
Not long after the phase of never wanting to wash their hair comes the phase where every free moment is spent in the bathroom grooming.
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