i should have know where this day was headed, because i had only been awake for about 10 minutes and was meeting my friend for a walk, when i was pooped on by a monkey. a big monkey in a very big tree. i stood under this great tree and actually heard it coming- like a whistling sound- thank God i didn't look up- but the whistle ended in a splat- which actually hurt. this was the introduction to the day.
expectations are what we think should or will happen
this was unexpected.
my friend suggested that i'd gotten all the 'crap' of the day over with at once- literally. i wasn't so sure.
because i was away all day yesterday learning how to be a farmer, i felt i should spend a day focusing on the kids, so i cancelled a meeting, and the kids and i decided on the pool. i corralled the 4 of them into the car, with water bottles, towels, snacks, toys, sunblock and water wings. i was having visions of my idyllic day with my four lovely children. with the monkey poop behind me, i was ready. bring it.
we arrived at 11- and people were excited- for about 10 minutes - and then began the choir of "i'm huuunnngry!" but i was prepared and pulled out the crackers. two people were satisfied, one chimed in with "is that all you brought?" which promptly resulted him losing the privilege of snacks, probably forever. to preempt the second grumbling of hungry stomachs, i flagged someone down to order lunch. everyone was excited by the prospect of food for about 10 minutes- until the cacophony began again, "this is taking forever!! when is the food going to get here?"
as if i know. as if we made this outing to eat here, instead of swim. as if they hadn't had breakfast and snacks.
i tried to be patient with them- to find humor in it.
but i wanted to wring someones neck.
i reminded them that we were at the pool so why didn't they jump in and swim, and that we live in africa where things always take longer but really it had only been 10 minutes since we put the order in. i also wanted to read the end of the most addictive and inappropriate book i've read in years. i especially wanted to read it then- to instantly retreat to a completely other reality- one that really couldn't be more different than mine- especially with my 4 kids in the middle of summer vacation.
this summer vacation i realized that we needed some order: places for things, closets to be cleaned out, broken toy parts to be discarded, and too small clothes to be given away. so periodically i've attacked a room and created a satisfactory level of order. which i've noticed lasts for about 12 hours. then entropy takes over.
entropy- a gradual decline into disorder, the steady deterioration of a system, a measure of the disorder or randomness of a closed system
As a physical system becomes more disordered, and its energy becomes more evenly distributed, that energy becomes less able to do work.
this is the way of the world and certainly the way of my house. as it becomes more chaotic, as the scraps and caps and snippets climb out of their ordered place and evenly distribute themselves across the floors of my house, those people who those things belongs to, become less able to do work. those people become like beanbag chairs- distributing themselves around the house evenly- also on the floor, often in some upside down fashion- able to do not much more than complain.
so given that entropy is actually a thermodynamic property, why am i surprised by it? why do i expect the opposite? why am i disappointed when items are magically sprinkled about the day after i gave them a proper place on a shelf? why am i perplexed by the bean-bag-ness of my children?
today at the pool, it was more than the random distribution of things, but the disorder of the system at large, that seemed to astound me.
finally the food arrived. again, people were happy for about 5 minutes during the chaos of 'pass the salt' and 'she took my lemon!' and ' i want to sit at that table'. then entropy took over further.
"my fish sticks smell like a cow!" jude said.
"mine too!" said bryn.
"rose fish sticks?" said rose.
"no, honey, you have an egg sandwich." i pointed out.
"i wish i had an egg sandwich." said jude.
"yeah- not these disgusting fish sticks!" bryn said.
i wanted to tell them what they could to do with their fish sticks, but really i just wanted to read. i just wanted people to be thankful and enjoy the pool. i wanted the system at large to run smoothly for once and not fall into full chaos. i wanted what i'd envisioned, what i'd expected- i did not want entropy.
but
i did have to laugh now. because i remembered that we've had times when i would have given all my limbs to have "normal" entropy. when zoe was so much the center of any outing- when entropy was such a given- when we fell to bits all day most days- when i wouldn't have dreamed of bringing a book to a pool, when i would have over heard the conversations about cow smelling fishsticks with great envy. i remembered. how quickly i forget. how dare i forget? how fortunate i am to be in place where forgetting is possible.
entropy in what ever form, is to be expected and i'm the crazy one for thinking anything else is even possible, let alone probable!
the reading this morning, was about finding the joy in life by letting go of our control, by accepting God's control. it was about remembering that our well orchestrated plans are easily thwarted by a phone call, or the unexpected- so we should be more flexible and chill and be open to discovering what has been prepared for us in our day.
i'm not sure why mine started with monkey poop. maybe it was a literal and metaphoric heads up. an early reminder to respect entropy and let go of expectations. will i be able to do this? can i accept the promise of change, movement, disintegration? can i allow the natural disorder of life to re-equilibrate me? the beauty of entropy is that often the thermodynamic goal is to move toward unity- to bring two systems to balance - with the initial cost of disruption - and that is beautiful.
i can live with that theoretically- sacrifice order for unity - can i live it out in my entropic home?
i think i can, i think i can.
expectations are what we think should or will happen
this was unexpected.
my friend suggested that i'd gotten all the 'crap' of the day over with at once- literally. i wasn't so sure.
because i was away all day yesterday learning how to be a farmer, i felt i should spend a day focusing on the kids, so i cancelled a meeting, and the kids and i decided on the pool. i corralled the 4 of them into the car, with water bottles, towels, snacks, toys, sunblock and water wings. i was having visions of my idyllic day with my four lovely children. with the monkey poop behind me, i was ready. bring it.
we arrived at 11- and people were excited- for about 10 minutes - and then began the choir of "i'm huuunnngry!" but i was prepared and pulled out the crackers. two people were satisfied, one chimed in with "is that all you brought?" which promptly resulted him losing the privilege of snacks, probably forever. to preempt the second grumbling of hungry stomachs, i flagged someone down to order lunch. everyone was excited by the prospect of food for about 10 minutes- until the cacophony began again, "this is taking forever!! when is the food going to get here?"
as if i know. as if we made this outing to eat here, instead of swim. as if they hadn't had breakfast and snacks.
i tried to be patient with them- to find humor in it.
but i wanted to wring someones neck.
i reminded them that we were at the pool so why didn't they jump in and swim, and that we live in africa where things always take longer but really it had only been 10 minutes since we put the order in. i also wanted to read the end of the most addictive and inappropriate book i've read in years. i especially wanted to read it then- to instantly retreat to a completely other reality- one that really couldn't be more different than mine- especially with my 4 kids in the middle of summer vacation.
this summer vacation i realized that we needed some order: places for things, closets to be cleaned out, broken toy parts to be discarded, and too small clothes to be given away. so periodically i've attacked a room and created a satisfactory level of order. which i've noticed lasts for about 12 hours. then entropy takes over.
entropy- a gradual decline into disorder, the steady deterioration of a system, a measure of the disorder or randomness of a closed system
As a physical system becomes more disordered, and its energy becomes more evenly distributed, that energy becomes less able to do work.
this is the way of the world and certainly the way of my house. as it becomes more chaotic, as the scraps and caps and snippets climb out of their ordered place and evenly distribute themselves across the floors of my house, those people who those things belongs to, become less able to do work. those people become like beanbag chairs- distributing themselves around the house evenly- also on the floor, often in some upside down fashion- able to do not much more than complain.
so given that entropy is actually a thermodynamic property, why am i surprised by it? why do i expect the opposite? why am i disappointed when items are magically sprinkled about the day after i gave them a proper place on a shelf? why am i perplexed by the bean-bag-ness of my children?
today at the pool, it was more than the random distribution of things, but the disorder of the system at large, that seemed to astound me.
finally the food arrived. again, people were happy for about 5 minutes during the chaos of 'pass the salt' and 'she took my lemon!' and ' i want to sit at that table'. then entropy took over further.
"my fish sticks smell like a cow!" jude said.
"mine too!" said bryn.
"rose fish sticks?" said rose.
"no, honey, you have an egg sandwich." i pointed out.
"i wish i had an egg sandwich." said jude.
"yeah- not these disgusting fish sticks!" bryn said.
i wanted to tell them what they could to do with their fish sticks, but really i just wanted to read. i just wanted people to be thankful and enjoy the pool. i wanted the system at large to run smoothly for once and not fall into full chaos. i wanted what i'd envisioned, what i'd expected- i did not want entropy.
but
i did have to laugh now. because i remembered that we've had times when i would have given all my limbs to have "normal" entropy. when zoe was so much the center of any outing- when entropy was such a given- when we fell to bits all day most days- when i wouldn't have dreamed of bringing a book to a pool, when i would have over heard the conversations about cow smelling fishsticks with great envy. i remembered. how quickly i forget. how dare i forget? how fortunate i am to be in place where forgetting is possible.
entropy in what ever form, is to be expected and i'm the crazy one for thinking anything else is even possible, let alone probable!
the reading this morning, was about finding the joy in life by letting go of our control, by accepting God's control. it was about remembering that our well orchestrated plans are easily thwarted by a phone call, or the unexpected- so we should be more flexible and chill and be open to discovering what has been prepared for us in our day.
i'm not sure why mine started with monkey poop. maybe it was a literal and metaphoric heads up. an early reminder to respect entropy and let go of expectations. will i be able to do this? can i accept the promise of change, movement, disintegration? can i allow the natural disorder of life to re-equilibrate me? the beauty of entropy is that often the thermodynamic goal is to move toward unity- to bring two systems to balance - with the initial cost of disruption - and that is beautiful.
i can live with that theoretically- sacrifice order for unity - can i live it out in my entropic home?
i think i can, i think i can.
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