the gift

i already have a problem with doing too many things at the same time.  this is especially true with books.  this is what sits on my bedside table.  this is what i'm currently in the middle of: 'someone knows my name' a novel about the life of a slave in the 1700s; 'the immortal life of henrietta lacks' a true story of the african american woman who's cervical cancer cells have been grown and used multiple times over for the betterment of medical science but with out full permission; 'half the sky' about the oppression of women worldwide; 'till the sun grows cold' a memoir of a woman married to an sudanese warlord; 'parenting with love and logic' name says it all; 'a special education' a memoir about parenting special needs kids (my 5th reading); 'compassion' by henri nouwen;  'how deep is this pothole' about being a doctor in uganda; and, of course, my bible.  this list is excluding several poetry books, and a few that i've started but put on the back on the shelf for later, and the stack of my 'can't wait to read next' pile.

then my mom showed up with a freshly stocked kindle and now i'm really in trouble!  now i have a traveling library, so i've added to the list a rather bizarre group.  i'm re-reading 'holy the firm' a book on spirituality; '50 shades of gray' a top selling, trash novel, and 'gift from the sea' another non-fiction on life and reflection and waiting,

oh dear.

but this kind of sums me up. there is so much to do and read and enjoy! there aren't enough hours in the day! so i skip around.  but even for me, this is too much.

today i had the kindle with me when we were in kampala awaiting the doling out of funds for rose's birthmom's bus trip north.  i was reading the anne morrow lindbergh book- 'gift from the sea'.  i was beginning at the beginning, i was reading the introduction written by her son, and she quickly became another hero- mother of five, first american woman to earn a glider pilot license, first woman ever to win the national geographic society's hubbard medal for aviation and exploration adventures, and an award winning author- wow.  a life well lived- a life that was full and curious and pushing limits and boundaries- stretching and growing- and reflecting and sharing as she went out into her days, as she climbed her mountains and volcanoes at 75. 

but the gift she gives us, her son says, is "the freedom that comes from choosing to remain open..to life itself, whatever it may bring: joys, sorrows, triumphs, failures, suffering, comfort and certainly, always, change. (she reflected) upon her own experience, in trying to live from a core of inner stillness while actively responding, as we all must do, to the "here and the now," she set herself free into her own life and into all life."

she begins by speaking of patience. this accomplished woman- worlds ahead of her time, speaks of waiting.  being still, being patient these are perhaps my greatest struggle- my repetitive challenge- my own albatross.

'The sea does not reward those who are too anxious, too greedy, or too impatient.  To dig for treasures shows not only impatience and greed, but lack of faith. Patience, patience, patience, is what the sea teaches.  Patience and faith.  One should lie empty, open, choiceless as a beach- waiting for a gift from the sea."

i want these things.  to be free into my own life.  into all life. to remain open. always.  to the good and the bad- and to the change.  finding that core of inner stillness.  trying.  actively responding. choosing. those are the things i strive for- the things i want to practice slowly each day. 

maybe in that stillness, she found the freedom to birth and raise, to fly and explore, to climb and to reflect.  and oh, to write.  to write it out, to speak through her words, to share what she saw from way up high and from falling down. 


but i'll have to finish the book to find out:).