i woke up early to get ready for my first day back at work, made the coffee and the boys breakfast, and got on the computer to check in with the other side of the world-going to sleep as i'm waking up. there was a post from my friend as she was going off to bed -about the irony of what she is facing today- the likely complete cure of cancer with her bilateral mastectomy, but the acute reality of cancer in a new and for the first time, visible way. and she admitted to feeling scared and not too funny- although i still laughed as i read her post and was blown away by her ability to scarf down an piece of apple pie the night before surgery- i'm the queen of the nervous stomach.
mike and i sat down for our time in the morning before the crazy begins, to read the bible and pray together. i was ready in a feisty sort of way. i wanted to jump right into the praying part because i had some things to say- but i thought maybe i should listen to God before i started speaking. the first reading was a psalm about God opening the red sea for the israelites despite their rebellion. the next was in joshua- the story of the israelites crossing the jordan river- how God parted the waters for them again, and told them to take 12 stones from the middle of the river and set them up as a reminder that the hand of the Lord is powerful. the last reading was from mark, the story of Jesus healing the boy with convulsions. the father asks, 'if you can do anything for us, please do it.' and Jesus replies, 'IF? everything is possible for him who believes' and the father says, 'i believe, help me overcome my unbelief'.
today these reading were for us. it's not a coincidence. it was a moment of esctacy- the divine entering the regular. God showing up on a tuesday morning. i heard:
-i care and provide, even if you're ignoring me
-i make big things happen- the impossible, becomes possible
-have faith, and i'm safe enough that you can even ask me to help you believe
so i prayed.
"okay God. you ask us to remember. to carry the 12 stones. you fill the old and new testament with examples of your power. i know your power. you parted a giant body of water, twice, to protect your people. you healed people right in front of an audience, you have provided friends for my girl in africa. i know you can do anything - so i'm asking you to completely heal my three friends with cancer. i know you don't always do it, but we are asking with full belief that you are able. " (but i was more specific and i begged more and my voice cracked and i might have even sounded a little bit mad by accident).
then i got in the shower and bawled my eyes out. i mean the full on ugly cry. and i washed and i cried and i prayed some more, because i remember being the child of a woman with breast cancer and feeling the tension of needing to care for her and desperately wanting her to care for me, and fearing that what if the unthinkable happened and she someday disappeared. so i prayed for her kids and her husband and her parents and her surgeons and for her safety and her peace and freedom from anxiety. and i thought about the last scene in the movie 'it's a wonderful life', how i always cry through it. tragedy happens and everyone shows up, and george sees how loved he is, how valued. i thought about all of our george bailey moments, how people respond to the nudgings, how we become the hands of God for each other, we become the answers to some of the prayers. we help bring the peace and the strength. i dried off, and dried my tears.
then as i packed my bag to head out the door, i heard bryn and jude on the porch. bryn was holding a fake candle from the american girl set, and sitting still with his eyes closed so i leaned in to hear with out being seen.
"dear God, i thank you for this day, i pray that you will protect us from angry monkeys and black mambas. amen."
it was so sweet to see that childs faith. to see and hear that he knows God shows up. because yesterday we had some crazy monkeys in our yard and a baby black mamba (fo' reals).
and i kept thinking about those 12 stones taken from the middle of the jordan river- 12, one for each tribe. stones carried on shoulders across a dried river bed where the water had been peeled away. stones set up as a memorial on the other side. and then the river flooded over. stones that were carried with them as they camped- set up as a reminder of God's strength- because he knows we forget. we get busy. things are going well. we aren't standing in front of waters that need parting.
i love that the stones were Gods idea. his way of saying, 'trust me, you'll forget'. his first commission of an art installation. His love of the symbol- not just any stones, the stones from the middle of the jordan- not just any number, twelve- the fact that they were heavy and carried far and set up where the people were.
i wonder what are my stones? the things that remind me of when the rivers were parted for me. symbols of the power and the grace. how quickly i can forget.
mike and i sat down for our time in the morning before the crazy begins, to read the bible and pray together. i was ready in a feisty sort of way. i wanted to jump right into the praying part because i had some things to say- but i thought maybe i should listen to God before i started speaking. the first reading was a psalm about God opening the red sea for the israelites despite their rebellion. the next was in joshua- the story of the israelites crossing the jordan river- how God parted the waters for them again, and told them to take 12 stones from the middle of the river and set them up as a reminder that the hand of the Lord is powerful. the last reading was from mark, the story of Jesus healing the boy with convulsions. the father asks, 'if you can do anything for us, please do it.' and Jesus replies, 'IF? everything is possible for him who believes' and the father says, 'i believe, help me overcome my unbelief'.
today these reading were for us. it's not a coincidence. it was a moment of esctacy- the divine entering the regular. God showing up on a tuesday morning. i heard:
-i care and provide, even if you're ignoring me
-i make big things happen- the impossible, becomes possible
-have faith, and i'm safe enough that you can even ask me to help you believe
so i prayed.
"okay God. you ask us to remember. to carry the 12 stones. you fill the old and new testament with examples of your power. i know your power. you parted a giant body of water, twice, to protect your people. you healed people right in front of an audience, you have provided friends for my girl in africa. i know you can do anything - so i'm asking you to completely heal my three friends with cancer. i know you don't always do it, but we are asking with full belief that you are able. " (but i was more specific and i begged more and my voice cracked and i might have even sounded a little bit mad by accident).
then i got in the shower and bawled my eyes out. i mean the full on ugly cry. and i washed and i cried and i prayed some more, because i remember being the child of a woman with breast cancer and feeling the tension of needing to care for her and desperately wanting her to care for me, and fearing that what if the unthinkable happened and she someday disappeared. so i prayed for her kids and her husband and her parents and her surgeons and for her safety and her peace and freedom from anxiety. and i thought about the last scene in the movie 'it's a wonderful life', how i always cry through it. tragedy happens and everyone shows up, and george sees how loved he is, how valued. i thought about all of our george bailey moments, how people respond to the nudgings, how we become the hands of God for each other, we become the answers to some of the prayers. we help bring the peace and the strength. i dried off, and dried my tears.
then as i packed my bag to head out the door, i heard bryn and jude on the porch. bryn was holding a fake candle from the american girl set, and sitting still with his eyes closed so i leaned in to hear with out being seen.
"dear God, i thank you for this day, i pray that you will protect us from angry monkeys and black mambas. amen."
it was so sweet to see that childs faith. to see and hear that he knows God shows up. because yesterday we had some crazy monkeys in our yard and a baby black mamba (fo' reals).
and i kept thinking about those 12 stones taken from the middle of the jordan river- 12, one for each tribe. stones carried on shoulders across a dried river bed where the water had been peeled away. stones set up as a memorial on the other side. and then the river flooded over. stones that were carried with them as they camped- set up as a reminder of God's strength- because he knows we forget. we get busy. things are going well. we aren't standing in front of waters that need parting.
i love that the stones were Gods idea. his way of saying, 'trust me, you'll forget'. his first commission of an art installation. His love of the symbol- not just any stones, the stones from the middle of the jordan- not just any number, twelve- the fact that they were heavy and carried far and set up where the people were.
i wonder what are my stones? the things that remind me of when the rivers were parted for me. symbols of the power and the grace. how quickly i can forget.
1 comment:
t.h.a.n.k.y.o.u.
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