life in africa is lived out loud. and outside. and communally outside. so for those of us who are extroverts that require at least an hour a day of uninterrupted (and with out the potential of being interrupted) alone time - this part of living in africa is hard. it might even be the hardest part.
people brush their teeth outside, people pee outside- right on the roadside-not in the bushes, people stop by unannounced often, someone sidled up and asked if he could join us for dinner while we were at a nice restaurant celebrating mikes birthday- (what? no! we don't even know you- there is candlelight!) but i think in tribal culture- boundaries (if they exist) are very different. communal life, is, communal. if you want to be alone, why are you at a restaurant? but stepping into this world from our super individualistic and highly boundaried culture, can feel cramped, over exposed, too public, and has left me searching for that 'space' or that 'place' where i can not see anyone or hear anyone for an hour.
i know, what does this have to do with my new found decreased expectations? not much i realize but it's important to acknowledge what our needs are, and then align them with our expectations. i know, i have little kids so i shouldn't even expect to go to the bathroom alone for 5 minutes- how dare i ask for an hour!
but. in atlanta, before i lowered my expectations and my kids were even younger- i some how found this desperately needed hour. and the secret might be... a back yard. at five o'clock i retreated, put myself in grown up time-out, and sat out on the back porch, rain or shine, winter or summer, over looking the back yard. in the back, people don't know you are there and, it's quiet. it was the one hour my kids were allowed to watch TV, the hour before the dinner routine started, before mike got home. it was mine. even if i was interrupted, there was something about it that was internally quiet and peaceful and still.
i love living in cities. boston, cambridge, and san francisco, were fabulous. i love to watch people and i enjoyed the constant motion and even the noise and the bustle, so what am i complaining about? how does my need to be alone jive with city life? because it's just different. in the city it's anonymous bustle and motion. you're not responsible for or to the noise, it's background noise, not noise that requires attention. the people walking by are strangers- strangers who would never invite themselves to your dinner date with your husband-there is no interaction.
today, i looked around and wondered about where, and when and how, i can meet this need for internal quiet in an externally loud place. in a season of little people with needs, in a culture where house help abounds, and gardeners rake the yard outside your bedroom window (and i mean like 3 feet away) at 6am on the weekend or mow the lawn at 7pm during dinner, in a place where all windows are screened and not shutable, and where there is no back yard?
i began to wonder if there is something wrong with me? am i selfish in needing space? am i becoming anti-social? are my expectations in this area way too high? but then i remembered that even Jesus required solitude. He retreated to a quiet place alone sometimes, He needed to regroup, time alone, stillness.
so i think it's okay to have this need- but i will have to tweak it. have to find it in snippets, maybe not 60 minutes. or i might have to go elsewhere to find it- up the big hill outside- or in town at a coffee shop once a week. it will become an adventure- the seeking of place and space for stillness. because i don't have a back yard, and even if i did, this is africa.
people brush their teeth outside, people pee outside- right on the roadside-not in the bushes, people stop by unannounced often, someone sidled up and asked if he could join us for dinner while we were at a nice restaurant celebrating mikes birthday- (what? no! we don't even know you- there is candlelight!) but i think in tribal culture- boundaries (if they exist) are very different. communal life, is, communal. if you want to be alone, why are you at a restaurant? but stepping into this world from our super individualistic and highly boundaried culture, can feel cramped, over exposed, too public, and has left me searching for that 'space' or that 'place' where i can not see anyone or hear anyone for an hour.
i know, what does this have to do with my new found decreased expectations? not much i realize but it's important to acknowledge what our needs are, and then align them with our expectations. i know, i have little kids so i shouldn't even expect to go to the bathroom alone for 5 minutes- how dare i ask for an hour!
but. in atlanta, before i lowered my expectations and my kids were even younger- i some how found this desperately needed hour. and the secret might be... a back yard. at five o'clock i retreated, put myself in grown up time-out, and sat out on the back porch, rain or shine, winter or summer, over looking the back yard. in the back, people don't know you are there and, it's quiet. it was the one hour my kids were allowed to watch TV, the hour before the dinner routine started, before mike got home. it was mine. even if i was interrupted, there was something about it that was internally quiet and peaceful and still.
i love living in cities. boston, cambridge, and san francisco, were fabulous. i love to watch people and i enjoyed the constant motion and even the noise and the bustle, so what am i complaining about? how does my need to be alone jive with city life? because it's just different. in the city it's anonymous bustle and motion. you're not responsible for or to the noise, it's background noise, not noise that requires attention. the people walking by are strangers- strangers who would never invite themselves to your dinner date with your husband-there is no interaction.
today, i looked around and wondered about where, and when and how, i can meet this need for internal quiet in an externally loud place. in a season of little people with needs, in a culture where house help abounds, and gardeners rake the yard outside your bedroom window (and i mean like 3 feet away) at 6am on the weekend or mow the lawn at 7pm during dinner, in a place where all windows are screened and not shutable, and where there is no back yard?
i began to wonder if there is something wrong with me? am i selfish in needing space? am i becoming anti-social? are my expectations in this area way too high? but then i remembered that even Jesus required solitude. He retreated to a quiet place alone sometimes, He needed to regroup, time alone, stillness.
so i think it's okay to have this need- but i will have to tweak it. have to find it in snippets, maybe not 60 minutes. or i might have to go elsewhere to find it- up the big hill outside- or in town at a coffee shop once a week. it will become an adventure- the seeking of place and space for stillness. because i don't have a back yard, and even if i did, this is africa.
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