i went for a run today. my favorite kind of run, under a low gray sky, a cool blowing breeze, with leaves falling, and ending in rain. at first i closed the eyes of my mind and imagined running down the snowy dirt roads in the north carolina mountains, where i was last Christmas. then i opened them and ran beneath the wild tropical plants and vines and trees of here, and i thought about the banana tree, actually they are plants, so i thought about banana plants.
these plants are everywhere here and provide the main food source for uganda- matoke- a mashed up cooked starch. i don't really like the look of these plants with their giant shabby, peely stems and their leaves all frayed like some kid got up there with a pair of scissors. but then i thought about their humanness, and i changed my mind about the banana plant.
they bear life giving fruit and they bear it humanly. it begins as an out of proportion banana heart which hangs like the fruit of loins- weighted down in humility- like it's bowing- aware of where it comes from, but aspiring to be something else. from this comes the bunch of bananas. then that banana plant dies and other stems shoots up out of the base. it comes alive, produces fruit and dies. out of a bedraggled exterior comes a beautiful, tasty and sustaining food.
so i thought about food, and sustenance, and sufficiency and satisfaction and then title of the last post 'enough'. how all these things are related. occasionally when i run i hear God and i did today. i heard him asking me- 'isn't it enough?'
and this challenged me.
because while i feel very content with my life, i tend to be always ahead of myself. i tend to always be thinking what's next. i like planning, i like expanding my capacity, i like taking on more. life feels so big and exciting, i'm waiting for the next chapter- i'm looking for the next ball to throw in and juggle, i'm searching for experience and fullness.
today God was asking me why?
'aren't I enough?'
'isn't what i've given you enough? isn't your life enough?'
'why not embrace, no really embrace, what i've given you'
'turn around and Be. Here. Now.'
'I have promised you life to the fullest- stop trying to fill it up yourself.'
'be still. wait in me. trust me.'
the other day i began a post about the importance of teaching my children about satisfaction. about how learning to be satisfied is essential for true happiness. today i began to wonder what kind of an example i'm setting for them. i'm very satisfied materially, but am i satisfied in my spirit? do i live in this? do i exude contentment? or is my expectancy modeling restlessness?
it began to rain on my third lap around the track. and i answered back in my heart, "yes, You are enough." "thank you for what You've given- all these 40 things i'm thankful for and so much more."
and then i added my usual plea for assistance. "help me to live in this place of satisfaction. help me be. here. now. help me to be still. help me to wait. help me to trust."
so i have my goal for 41. living each day as enough.
these plants are everywhere here and provide the main food source for uganda- matoke- a mashed up cooked starch. i don't really like the look of these plants with their giant shabby, peely stems and their leaves all frayed like some kid got up there with a pair of scissors. but then i thought about their humanness, and i changed my mind about the banana plant.
they bear life giving fruit and they bear it humanly. it begins as an out of proportion banana heart which hangs like the fruit of loins- weighted down in humility- like it's bowing- aware of where it comes from, but aspiring to be something else. from this comes the bunch of bananas. then that banana plant dies and other stems shoots up out of the base. it comes alive, produces fruit and dies. out of a bedraggled exterior comes a beautiful, tasty and sustaining food.
so i thought about food, and sustenance, and sufficiency and satisfaction and then title of the last post 'enough'. how all these things are related. occasionally when i run i hear God and i did today. i heard him asking me- 'isn't it enough?'
and this challenged me.
because while i feel very content with my life, i tend to be always ahead of myself. i tend to always be thinking what's next. i like planning, i like expanding my capacity, i like taking on more. life feels so big and exciting, i'm waiting for the next chapter- i'm looking for the next ball to throw in and juggle, i'm searching for experience and fullness.
today God was asking me why?
'aren't I enough?'
'isn't what i've given you enough? isn't your life enough?'
'why not embrace, no really embrace, what i've given you'
'turn around and Be. Here. Now.'
'I have promised you life to the fullest- stop trying to fill it up yourself.'
'be still. wait in me. trust me.'
the other day i began a post about the importance of teaching my children about satisfaction. about how learning to be satisfied is essential for true happiness. today i began to wonder what kind of an example i'm setting for them. i'm very satisfied materially, but am i satisfied in my spirit? do i live in this? do i exude contentment? or is my expectancy modeling restlessness?
it began to rain on my third lap around the track. and i answered back in my heart, "yes, You are enough." "thank you for what You've given- all these 40 things i'm thankful for and so much more."
and then i added my usual plea for assistance. "help me to live in this place of satisfaction. help me be. here. now. help me to be still. help me to wait. help me to trust."
so i have my goal for 41. living each day as enough.
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