two ears, one mouth

i've been thinking about listening and i've been thinking about cherishing.  and then being guided by these things.  i say this because things go better when i'm able to do this. when i stop- when i'm quiet- when i'm attentive- when i'm not in a rush- when i remember what really matters- when i look at my child and for one quick moment imagine if they were gone- and i soak them in- words- smile-scent. when i live in a moment where nothing is taken for granted.

maybe it's because i'm a doctor who takes care of people when they are close to the end.  maybe because i've had years of watching people say goodbye- maybe because i had a season of envisioning my life with out one of my kids-  these have informed my thinking- which slowly transcends into informing my living.

yesterday- in hindsight- i didn't listen to zoe.  i didn't hear her trying to say 'no' to swimming.  i had a vision of being down by the lake as a family- of all of us swimming together and laughing and hanging out.  but that wasn't her vision.  she tried to tell me that- but i was too focused on my plans- my ideas about what i wanted.  sho' nuf' it went sour.  we got down there and she sort of fell apart- everything was a problem- stickyland- my norman rockwell crumbled and i went briefly into pityland. 

i realized how desperately i need to be quiet. 
two ears, one mouth- we are anatomically set up to listen more than we talk.
i'm so bad at this.  i like to talk.  to share. i always have an agenda, and a plan.  i'm one of those people who will speak up if no one answers a question in class- just so someone says something.  i'm better at listening when there is a crisis- when someone really needs to be heard- but in the day to day- it doesn't come naturally.  i have to work at listening, especially to little voices that whine sometimes, or talk incessantly.  i have to remember there can be important stuff in there- disguised - but there. 

i have to remember to appreciate- to savor- to adore.  to value the little stuff. 
they go together.  when you stop and are still- you can hear the layers in what is said- the humor, the fears, the intellect, the memories that maybe hidden inside.  but the real magic comes when you focus and listen with your ears and your eyes and your mind- when you place value on what is being said- because then the mystery is revealed - because then you learn what to do.

whether it's a patient or a child or a friend- answers can be found in the listening.  hearing is taking in sound- it happens as long as our ears and our sensory-neuro-system is intact- as long as we have the ability to receive sound.  but listening is purposeful and active- true listening involves all the senses. 

words are powerful.  but communication is even more than words- it's what is said and not said.  it is tone, facial expression, and what we say with our bodies.  when we leave someone, when we have to say goodbye- we cling to this stuff- all of it. 

this week it will be my goal- my plan- my agenda. 
to be quiet- to hone in- to respect the one speaking- to strive to 'know' them- to find the gems in their words- to reflect on what is not said- or what their eyes said- their hands- the curve of their face.  to be guided and directed before i respond.  and to delight in the the little things- all of them- and to treasure those who fill my days.