uganda is so beautiful. on mornings when i am privileged to go up monkey hill, i am amazed at the beauty. it looks like how i imagine the garden of eden, full and life giving. the sky is so clear- the flower colors so bright- the birds, loud and eager- the monkeys seem just happy to be- even the leaves are thrilled to be wiggling by the wind.
when i walk up the hill- i pray- i mean i talk to God. the other day, because it was so eden like, i was really thinking about talking to God and about adam and eve and their talking with God and even their walking with God. i thought about how different it would feel, and i might feel, if i were actually walking and talking with God. i suppose this is theologically complicated, because i do believe that when i am praying i am communing with God, however before the fall, before the snake and the apple eating, and the choosing disobedience, before the separation from God began, they actually walked with God- in a way that i'm guessing we don't know this side of paradise.
then i was thinking about how even though they were walking and talking and living in a real, connected, un-tainted relationship with God, they STILL messed up. they still chose poorly. they still didn't do the right thing- and He was RIGHT THERE WITH THEM.
when i was 6 years old, my mother was my sunday school teacher and when we did the story of adam and eve- my best friend said very seriously, "well, if adam and eve hadn't sinned, then i would have." my mother was very impressed by her awareness of our falling. but in retrospect i think a better thing to say would be, "because adam and eve sinned- given that they SAW and HEARD GOD, then OF COURSE i'm going to!"
because that is where it starts. if they couldn't get it right, knowing they were meeting up with God for a walk in a few hours, knowing that He was also living in the garden with them, it's no wonder that i can't. i'm so thankful for that story, because it helps me understand brokenness better. it helps me understand that i am so far from perfect. it helps me be a bit more accepting of how hard life is. but there is another important part. because although they needed to deal with the consequences of their choice, God still meets them where they are. He finds them hiding, ashamed of being naked, now not wanting to be known, fearing connection. he could have said, "oh get over it! i MADE you! i've seen you naked everyday for the last umpteen years!" but he doesn't. because he loves them. even. though. instead He makes them proper clothes. His mercy even extends to their physical shame. His mercy even extends out of the garden.
this speaks so many things to me. about gentleness and about provision and non-abandoment. about being gentler with ourselves and each other. and about forgiveness and expectations and love. it also speaks about the beginning of vulnerability and about connection.
yesterday i watched the brene brown TED talk on vulnerability. if you haven't seen it, you should watch it, and listen and learn. she talks about our deep desire to connect- that it's what we are wired for. that when you look at people who are whole and well adjusted and connected, what they have in common is that they believe they are worthy of love and connection, and the key to feeling worthy of love, is being true and real and vulnerable. even. though.
even though its uncomfortable and awkward. even though it's risky and scary and dangerous. even if people laugh or cry or get mad at us. being honest with our struggle and our life and our messiness- is what makes us alive and real. when we run toward our vulnerability, instead of away from it, we are ourselves- and in that humility and openness, there is nothing left to hide. we are what we are. we are trying. we are worthy just because we are real, and so are you, and so am i. then we can become connected. then comes the joy and the peace and the beauty.
my favorite part of the talk was when she defines courage- as "to tell the story of who you are with your whole heart." that is beautiful. that is brave and vulnerable. that is how i want to live.
life is hard. it's so hard. and we all fall and trip and eat various apples and make the wrong choices often. but what makes it even harder, is that we also pretend that it's easy, that we can walk tall in heels, never faltering, doing just fine- even though we know it's not true. so then we're pretty sure that we are fooling everyone about ourselves, while believing that everyone else actually does look good and walk well in their life in heels. so then we feel alone. and scared. and life becomes even harder.
thankfully, there is grace. thankfully there is the awareness that the first people ever, who lived in the garden with The Gardener- even they mucked it up. thankfully we are given provision. thankfully we can practice love and forgiveness and gentleness with ourselves and with each other. thankfully we can learn to be more vulnerable, to believe we have worth and are worthy of this love and connection- because that is why we were put in the garden in the first place. and then we can begin to be courageous. then we can try to tell the story of who we are, with our whole heart.
when i walk up the hill- i pray- i mean i talk to God. the other day, because it was so eden like, i was really thinking about talking to God and about adam and eve and their talking with God and even their walking with God. i thought about how different it would feel, and i might feel, if i were actually walking and talking with God. i suppose this is theologically complicated, because i do believe that when i am praying i am communing with God, however before the fall, before the snake and the apple eating, and the choosing disobedience, before the separation from God began, they actually walked with God- in a way that i'm guessing we don't know this side of paradise.
then i was thinking about how even though they were walking and talking and living in a real, connected, un-tainted relationship with God, they STILL messed up. they still chose poorly. they still didn't do the right thing- and He was RIGHT THERE WITH THEM.
when i was 6 years old, my mother was my sunday school teacher and when we did the story of adam and eve- my best friend said very seriously, "well, if adam and eve hadn't sinned, then i would have." my mother was very impressed by her awareness of our falling. but in retrospect i think a better thing to say would be, "because adam and eve sinned- given that they SAW and HEARD GOD, then OF COURSE i'm going to!"
because that is where it starts. if they couldn't get it right, knowing they were meeting up with God for a walk in a few hours, knowing that He was also living in the garden with them, it's no wonder that i can't. i'm so thankful for that story, because it helps me understand brokenness better. it helps me understand that i am so far from perfect. it helps me be a bit more accepting of how hard life is. but there is another important part. because although they needed to deal with the consequences of their choice, God still meets them where they are. He finds them hiding, ashamed of being naked, now not wanting to be known, fearing connection. he could have said, "oh get over it! i MADE you! i've seen you naked everyday for the last umpteen years!" but he doesn't. because he loves them. even. though. instead He makes them proper clothes. His mercy even extends to their physical shame. His mercy even extends out of the garden.
this speaks so many things to me. about gentleness and about provision and non-abandoment. about being gentler with ourselves and each other. and about forgiveness and expectations and love. it also speaks about the beginning of vulnerability and about connection.
yesterday i watched the brene brown TED talk on vulnerability. if you haven't seen it, you should watch it, and listen and learn. she talks about our deep desire to connect- that it's what we are wired for. that when you look at people who are whole and well adjusted and connected, what they have in common is that they believe they are worthy of love and connection, and the key to feeling worthy of love, is being true and real and vulnerable. even. though.
even though its uncomfortable and awkward. even though it's risky and scary and dangerous. even if people laugh or cry or get mad at us. being honest with our struggle and our life and our messiness- is what makes us alive and real. when we run toward our vulnerability, instead of away from it, we are ourselves- and in that humility and openness, there is nothing left to hide. we are what we are. we are trying. we are worthy just because we are real, and so are you, and so am i. then we can become connected. then comes the joy and the peace and the beauty.
my favorite part of the talk was when she defines courage- as "to tell the story of who you are with your whole heart." that is beautiful. that is brave and vulnerable. that is how i want to live.
life is hard. it's so hard. and we all fall and trip and eat various apples and make the wrong choices often. but what makes it even harder, is that we also pretend that it's easy, that we can walk tall in heels, never faltering, doing just fine- even though we know it's not true. so then we're pretty sure that we are fooling everyone about ourselves, while believing that everyone else actually does look good and walk well in their life in heels. so then we feel alone. and scared. and life becomes even harder.
thankfully, there is grace. thankfully there is the awareness that the first people ever, who lived in the garden with The Gardener- even they mucked it up. thankfully we are given provision. thankfully we can practice love and forgiveness and gentleness with ourselves and with each other. thankfully we can learn to be more vulnerable, to believe we have worth and are worthy of this love and connection- because that is why we were put in the garden in the first place. and then we can begin to be courageous. then we can try to tell the story of who we are, with our whole heart.
No comments:
Post a Comment
Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.