it rains now in the day and i love that. the coolness, the closed quiet sky, the change from heat and dry. life is so full of that- change, but sameness too.
this week zoe turned 14. it made me stop and pause and wonder. i thought about her and her years, and our years, where they have gone, what has happened in them, who have we become. what parts have changed, what parts are the same, what parts are too loose, and what parts are too stuck.
when i was 14 i went to peru. it was my first time overseas, the first time my eyes were opened wide to another side of things- an opposite side- another reality. i saw such differences and i was drawn to them. i remember the market place and hot sodas and dust, the strong smell of soap and sewage, the way people lived with it. i saw a vastness to Gods love and creation.
now i live on the other side, in another reality, with my own 14 year old and all my years. i live here and for my kids- this is their reality, going back to america, is the other side for them. here i am in the middle of my life. here, we have placed ourselves. here we all grow, together, finding ourselves, emerging from this land.
i have red feet most days and i see my lost-ness and my found-ness. i see my brokenness and my mended-ness, and the things i've held onto, the things i've carried for all these years. where ever i am, where ever i go- there i am- with these years. sometimes i wonder how many times i will live over and over again the lesons that come to teach me that Gods love is enough. when will i live in that? trust that? rest in that?
perhaps each day is that- each day I am born into this
miracle- this hope that we can have because of the Love we know. the miracle of seeing that love again and
finding it again.
may i live well into this day- this day that started cold but is warming now. this day may i experience the gentleness of that love- may i soften and bend and be okay with where i am inside. may i surrender to what is right instead of trying to fix my feelings on my own. may i trust. may i be still. may i resist my own desire to control. may i pray if i need to do anything at all. and when i am lonely, may i talk to Hiim. when i cry, may i cry to Him. when i am happy, may i thank Him. and when i am bursting with joy or sadness, may i run only into His arms.
may i awaken to this miracle today.
this week zoe turned 14. it made me stop and pause and wonder. i thought about her and her years, and our years, where they have gone, what has happened in them, who have we become. what parts have changed, what parts are the same, what parts are too loose, and what parts are too stuck.
when i was 14 i went to peru. it was my first time overseas, the first time my eyes were opened wide to another side of things- an opposite side- another reality. i saw such differences and i was drawn to them. i remember the market place and hot sodas and dust, the strong smell of soap and sewage, the way people lived with it. i saw a vastness to Gods love and creation.
now i live on the other side, in another reality, with my own 14 year old and all my years. i live here and for my kids- this is their reality, going back to america, is the other side for them. here i am in the middle of my life. here, we have placed ourselves. here we all grow, together, finding ourselves, emerging from this land.
i have red feet most days and i see my lost-ness and my found-ness. i see my brokenness and my mended-ness, and the things i've held onto, the things i've carried for all these years. where ever i am, where ever i go- there i am- with these years. sometimes i wonder how many times i will live over and over again the lesons that come to teach me that Gods love is enough. when will i live in that? trust that? rest in that?
may i live well into this day- this day that started cold but is warming now. this day may i experience the gentleness of that love- may i soften and bend and be okay with where i am inside. may i surrender to what is right instead of trying to fix my feelings on my own. may i trust. may i be still. may i resist my own desire to control. may i pray if i need to do anything at all. and when i am lonely, may i talk to Hiim. when i cry, may i cry to Him. when i am happy, may i thank Him. and when i am bursting with joy or sadness, may i run only into His arms.
may i awaken to this miracle today.
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