well here i am. i'm home.
i'm outside on the porch of my parents condo in atlanta. i've been up long before the sun because i went to bed when it was still out, but now the day is starting. the air is full, it's humid. the birds are waking up, their voices are different, the trees are tall and green and different, the machine sounds are different. it's funny, but it doesn't sound like home anymore.
yesterday mike picked me and my dad from the airport. it was so so good to see him, to feel him, to be in his arms again, the arms of home. and to see my zoe, and my mom - all pieces of me that have been scattered for long. today we will drive to north carolina and see my boys and my brother and my sister and her boys and it will almost be complete. except that it won't be, because part of me is across the world.
which makes me wonder about "home"- what and where it is. because it think it's lots of places. i think it's made up of lots of people. this moving across the world and returning, confirms all my suspicions that 'home' really is many places and many people all at once. that home is movable and multifaceted and exists in different dimensions at once.
on the plane it felt like time travel. like i'd left one time and place for another time and place- not just place. and the time travel piece felt extra strange because it was like going backward and forward at once. back to a time i'd been at before that was ahead of where i've been living. back to the future.
i know it hasn't even been a day since i've landed. i know that i woke up confused in the night, wondering where i was, having been dreaming of uganda, but it doesn't feel as strange as i'd expected, it doesn't feel that different. even the market and the roads and the mall. even being back to eat at one of my favorite restaurants. after 2 years of wondering and longings and missings, it just feels a lot like my other home. leon's or the camel club- not that different. lenox mall or awino- very different, but it's still just people buying stuff. well paved roads or potholes, it's still a lot of traffic.
i'm sure as this month goes on and i see more people and more places, i will have other moments and other reactions. i'm sure things will feel more different but maybe more the same too. i'm sure things will be surprisingly hard and other things surprisingly easy.
either way, it's good to be in this home for now!
i'm outside on the porch of my parents condo in atlanta. i've been up long before the sun because i went to bed when it was still out, but now the day is starting. the air is full, it's humid. the birds are waking up, their voices are different, the trees are tall and green and different, the machine sounds are different. it's funny, but it doesn't sound like home anymore.
yesterday mike picked me and my dad from the airport. it was so so good to see him, to feel him, to be in his arms again, the arms of home. and to see my zoe, and my mom - all pieces of me that have been scattered for long. today we will drive to north carolina and see my boys and my brother and my sister and her boys and it will almost be complete. except that it won't be, because part of me is across the world.
which makes me wonder about "home"- what and where it is. because it think it's lots of places. i think it's made up of lots of people. this moving across the world and returning, confirms all my suspicions that 'home' really is many places and many people all at once. that home is movable and multifaceted and exists in different dimensions at once.
on the plane it felt like time travel. like i'd left one time and place for another time and place- not just place. and the time travel piece felt extra strange because it was like going backward and forward at once. back to a time i'd been at before that was ahead of where i've been living. back to the future.
i know it hasn't even been a day since i've landed. i know that i woke up confused in the night, wondering where i was, having been dreaming of uganda, but it doesn't feel as strange as i'd expected, it doesn't feel that different. even the market and the roads and the mall. even being back to eat at one of my favorite restaurants. after 2 years of wondering and longings and missings, it just feels a lot like my other home. leon's or the camel club- not that different. lenox mall or awino- very different, but it's still just people buying stuff. well paved roads or potholes, it's still a lot of traffic.
i'm sure as this month goes on and i see more people and more places, i will have other moments and other reactions. i'm sure things will feel more different but maybe more the same too. i'm sure things will be surprisingly hard and other things surprisingly easy.
either way, it's good to be in this home for now!
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