this week was a week of endings and goodbyes.
this week the kids finished school, zoe graduated from ambrosoli, and we had that beautiful, painful ending assembly full of love and tears and that song 'Sing' that kills me- it was not pretty- it was full of the ugly cry. because goodbyes. are. just. hard. and kind of awful. because i grow into people and places and separating from them hurts.
this week my kids are preparing to go back to the US with mike. and now this week has become tomorrow. they leave tomorrow. they go back to family and friends and all the things i've begun to think about and sort of miss and definitely romanticize.
but then i got a beautiful reminder from the other side. a reminder from my old friend and neighbor, that there are no easy or hard choices. there is only our lives, and us doing the best we can in those lives and sharing them.
so i'm going to take this beautiful reminder (her words) and share it with you:
Today I am flying away to a simpler place.
Today I am leaving my practice where I want to take care of simple problems
But my university does not get paid when I do that
Today I want to just be a doctor
Today I want to forego a sterile field when I treat an abscess
Just for today, I don’t want to pay malpractice insurance.
Today I want to walk away from a woman my age who slurs her words
From a brain pickled by alcohol
Whose belly is full of ascites
Whose insides are bleeding and draining her to death
Who can’t have a ten dollar procedure because
she can’t scrape together the thousands of dollars required to receive care in a shiny, cool, spacious temple of healing
when what she needs is a cold hard knife and a gentle hand
but you need more than 2 nickels to rub together to get that here.
Today I would like to see my children run with abandon through the dust.
I would like to see my daughter love her one moo cow with all her heart
I would like to see her scrape her knee and bounce back up.
I would like to see my son’s hair turn blond in the sun and his face dirty with real dirt.
I would like to see him kick a ball for fun because there is no DSIII.
Sometimes I need to fly away, across the sea.
To a simpler place, where technology does not accost us daily and where we really connect with the world.
To a simple place, where we learn that the world doesn’t stop when the electricity goes out.
Sometimes I need to indulge in that flight of fantasy
Because this comfort requires constant care and drudgery
Because I am not allowed my own priorities.
Sometimes I need to fly away
To see a friend who faces a different reality
I would bring her a bottle of cold white wine and an arugula salad
Just with lemon and olive oil and parmesan cheese.
A crusty loaf of bread would make it all perfect.
And we would compare our stories
After a while we would know that we have each made our choices,
And that neither has been more noble nor more greedy
Than the other.
We would watch our children play again.
We would sing old songs and make up new ones and dance in the dusk.
And, finally, we would return each to our own reality with a sigh
And a new appreciation for what we have.
And, not least, a renewed connection across that wide ocean.
right.
a reminder that electricity and sterile abscess drainage cost us more than money. that red dirt and potholes give a freedom that can be quickly forgotten. but most of all that we are all the same. two eyes, a nose and a mouth. a heart. a soul. a desire to know and be known. a desire to love and be loved. to know meaning and to have meaning and to reach each other. what a beautiful story our lives are, where ever they are lived. how amazing. how blessed.
this week the kids finished school, zoe graduated from ambrosoli, and we had that beautiful, painful ending assembly full of love and tears and that song 'Sing' that kills me- it was not pretty- it was full of the ugly cry. because goodbyes. are. just. hard. and kind of awful. because i grow into people and places and separating from them hurts.
this week my kids are preparing to go back to the US with mike. and now this week has become tomorrow. they leave tomorrow. they go back to family and friends and all the things i've begun to think about and sort of miss and definitely romanticize.
but then i got a beautiful reminder from the other side. a reminder from my old friend and neighbor, that there are no easy or hard choices. there is only our lives, and us doing the best we can in those lives and sharing them.
so i'm going to take this beautiful reminder (her words) and share it with you:
Today I am flying away to a simpler place.
Today I am leaving my practice where I want to take care of simple problems
But my university does not get paid when I do that
Today I want to just be a doctor
Today I want to forego a sterile field when I treat an abscess
Just for today, I don’t want to pay malpractice insurance.
Today I want to walk away from a woman my age who slurs her words
From a brain pickled by alcohol
Whose belly is full of ascites
Whose insides are bleeding and draining her to death
Who can’t have a ten dollar procedure because
she can’t scrape together the thousands of dollars required to receive care in a shiny, cool, spacious temple of healing
when what she needs is a cold hard knife and a gentle hand
but you need more than 2 nickels to rub together to get that here.
Today I would like to see my children run with abandon through the dust.
I would like to see my daughter love her one moo cow with all her heart
I would like to see her scrape her knee and bounce back up.
I would like to see my son’s hair turn blond in the sun and his face dirty with real dirt.
I would like to see him kick a ball for fun because there is no DSIII.
Sometimes I need to fly away, across the sea.
To a simpler place, where technology does not accost us daily and where we really connect with the world.
To a simple place, where we learn that the world doesn’t stop when the electricity goes out.
Sometimes I need to indulge in that flight of fantasy
Because this comfort requires constant care and drudgery
Because I am not allowed my own priorities.
Sometimes I need to fly away
To see a friend who faces a different reality
I would bring her a bottle of cold white wine and an arugula salad
Just with lemon and olive oil and parmesan cheese.
A crusty loaf of bread would make it all perfect.
And we would compare our stories
After a while we would know that we have each made our choices,
And that neither has been more noble nor more greedy
Than the other.
We would watch our children play again.
We would sing old songs and make up new ones and dance in the dusk.
And, finally, we would return each to our own reality with a sigh
And a new appreciation for what we have.
And, not least, a renewed connection across that wide ocean.
right.
a reminder that electricity and sterile abscess drainage cost us more than money. that red dirt and potholes give a freedom that can be quickly forgotten. but most of all that we are all the same. two eyes, a nose and a mouth. a heart. a soul. a desire to know and be known. a desire to love and be loved. to know meaning and to have meaning and to reach each other. what a beautiful story our lives are, where ever they are lived. how amazing. how blessed.
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