i'm not sure where i am but i sure haven't been showing up here. and i need to.
i need to go back to that place of stopping at the end of my day and thinking back on it. of allowing that space and claiming it. i need to because with out it, a part of me is lost. lost in the bustle. lost in the things and the people and the stories that should really be shared.
have i written about clinic? or the all day graduation from 'farming Gods way' that i attended? or my kids growing up more each day? or my thoughts on the facebook circulating repost of a new york times article on sticking together in marriage after 20 years despite the hard stuff?
no. i haven't. because all i can seem to get my mind around these days is most of my family leaving for their visit back to the US in two and a half weeks, and my long three weeks with out them, and then my leaving rose here when i join them. so in preparation for their leaving- i went to awiino, the massive open air market in downtown kampala, to get some things they would need and i knew i could get cheaper here. a bathing suit for mike. shorts for jude. a skirt for me to wear to work.
awiino. a picture would be worth a thousand words. but i don't have one. it's what feels like miles of maze like paths lined with used clothes and shoes. the path is made of dirt, sometimes with planks of wood put down to cover over "water" (or something wet). the stalls are tiny, like a three sided display panel lined with clothes, there is some tarp-like "roof" over most of it, i think. in the stalls people are lying down, sometimes sleeping, sometimes eating large bowls of matoke and g-nut sauce, and when i walk past they usually grab me or at least shout out "muzungu how are you?" or "muzungu- you come." i like going to the back area where the clothes and shoes have yet to be sorted. they are just in piles on the ground or on a table and you can pick through them with out much interruption from the pile owner. i like it because this is the place for the real bargains.
today i was flipping through this lady's pile. she was sitting down next to it with her baby on her lap and she started to hand me different shirts to look at. "how much?" i asked. "600" she replied.
600 ugandan shillings is worth about 25 cents.
what? what a bargain for me! but what is going on with her? there was nothing in that pile that i really liked but how could i leave? i couldn't. i'd like to say that i stopped shopping and bought her lunch or that i gave her 6000 shillings for her shirt. or at least that i bought the whole pile, but i didn't. i gave her 1000, told her to keep the difference, and left. she was happy.
why that story? i don't know. it's one little tiny piece in my day. one moment that spoke to me, maybe only because i'm not sure how i would have felt in that moment 2 years ago. maybe because it could have had many different endings- (like those books, to see what happens next: turn to page 61 if you just walk away with out buying anything, turn to page 85 if you give her a 100 dollar bill...etc) and who knows what would have been better, but it gave me pause about the little choices that we make all. day. long. and the impact or potential impact we have on each others lives.
sometimes it's the small things that might matter most. maybe the extra 400 shillings showed enough care and humanization, with out the almost insulting flash of wealth i could have bestowed. perhaps paying 10X what she asked would have created a greater divide between us- two women, two mothers. or maybe not. i don't know. but this seemed like a reasonable exchange.
and when i got home i tried on the little gray tank top. it's really beautiful. and what's more, it will remind me of those moments- those times- when we do our best to love each other, to support each others dignity, to lessen the great divide, and to remember that in the big picture, the divide really isn't so big.
i need to go back to that place of stopping at the end of my day and thinking back on it. of allowing that space and claiming it. i need to because with out it, a part of me is lost. lost in the bustle. lost in the things and the people and the stories that should really be shared.
have i written about clinic? or the all day graduation from 'farming Gods way' that i attended? or my kids growing up more each day? or my thoughts on the facebook circulating repost of a new york times article on sticking together in marriage after 20 years despite the hard stuff?
no. i haven't. because all i can seem to get my mind around these days is most of my family leaving for their visit back to the US in two and a half weeks, and my long three weeks with out them, and then my leaving rose here when i join them. so in preparation for their leaving- i went to awiino, the massive open air market in downtown kampala, to get some things they would need and i knew i could get cheaper here. a bathing suit for mike. shorts for jude. a skirt for me to wear to work.
awiino. a picture would be worth a thousand words. but i don't have one. it's what feels like miles of maze like paths lined with used clothes and shoes. the path is made of dirt, sometimes with planks of wood put down to cover over "water" (or something wet). the stalls are tiny, like a three sided display panel lined with clothes, there is some tarp-like "roof" over most of it, i think. in the stalls people are lying down, sometimes sleeping, sometimes eating large bowls of matoke and g-nut sauce, and when i walk past they usually grab me or at least shout out "muzungu how are you?" or "muzungu- you come." i like going to the back area where the clothes and shoes have yet to be sorted. they are just in piles on the ground or on a table and you can pick through them with out much interruption from the pile owner. i like it because this is the place for the real bargains.
today i was flipping through this lady's pile. she was sitting down next to it with her baby on her lap and she started to hand me different shirts to look at. "how much?" i asked. "600" she replied.
600 ugandan shillings is worth about 25 cents.
what? what a bargain for me! but what is going on with her? there was nothing in that pile that i really liked but how could i leave? i couldn't. i'd like to say that i stopped shopping and bought her lunch or that i gave her 6000 shillings for her shirt. or at least that i bought the whole pile, but i didn't. i gave her 1000, told her to keep the difference, and left. she was happy.
why that story? i don't know. it's one little tiny piece in my day. one moment that spoke to me, maybe only because i'm not sure how i would have felt in that moment 2 years ago. maybe because it could have had many different endings- (like those books, to see what happens next: turn to page 61 if you just walk away with out buying anything, turn to page 85 if you give her a 100 dollar bill...etc) and who knows what would have been better, but it gave me pause about the little choices that we make all. day. long. and the impact or potential impact we have on each others lives.
sometimes it's the small things that might matter most. maybe the extra 400 shillings showed enough care and humanization, with out the almost insulting flash of wealth i could have bestowed. perhaps paying 10X what she asked would have created a greater divide between us- two women, two mothers. or maybe not. i don't know. but this seemed like a reasonable exchange.
and when i got home i tried on the little gray tank top. it's really beautiful. and what's more, it will remind me of those moments- those times- when we do our best to love each other, to support each others dignity, to lessen the great divide, and to remember that in the big picture, the divide really isn't so big.
No comments:
Post a Comment
Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.