six words

i'm reading a great novel called 'the book of why', written by a friend of mine.  at one point the main character talks about summing up your life in six words.  what if you could only use 6 words to describe your life? and not a list of six descriptors, but a six word sentence.  what immediately jumps to my mind is:

tried, failed, tried, failed, still trying.

or better yet,

broken, trying, thank God for Grace.

alternatively,  i only don't like green beans. 

one of those could work (except i forgot that i also hate cumquats, but those are rarely an issue).

i've been quiet lately but there are lots of things to write about- because there is a lot going on.

i could write about rose and the challenges of living in this gray place of unknown- a waiting place- a place of 'is she going to be our daughter officially? or not.', a place of 'are we going to go home and visit this summer? and if so, who and for how long? or not.'  i could write about how hard this is and how i can sometimes feel it creeping into my parenting with her- how invested do i get? what if there is loss? constantly breaking down the little walls that can start.

i could write about zoe becoming a teenager more and more each day and what that is like.  she's all beautiful and long haired and pimply and goofy but surprisingly mature at moments.  she's gaining more insight into herself and others and i can see her in a way that i couldn't in years before.  i can see her being okay now.  i can see her finding a place in the world that is unique and beautiful and giving and that makes me so happy (even if i still need to help her put on the toothpaste somedays).

i could write about the haircuts i gave the boys last night- about 2 months overdue- to help them not look like missionary kids from the '70s - and how i accidentally carved a bald strip in the back of judes hair because i wasn't sure how to use the new clippers and how he just laughed and didn't care at all.

i could write about bryn deciding to pick and add the name david to his name because he felt badly that he didn't have 'a bible name, and jude had two!'  i love the name david, which would have been my name if i'd been a boy i've been told.  i love it because of david in the bible who like my 6 word sentence- tried and failed and was very thankful for the grace of God. he was a passionate man who loved God deeply and was full of expression- and messed up all the time. he was so aware of his brokenness and his joys and his need of God and his thankfulness for God showing up over and over again in his life.

i get this.

i get this today when i wake up with a headache and can't stop being crabby with the kids in the car on the way to school.  i get this when i have no poker face and the police man asks me how my day is after he just heard that my car was hit and the guilty party drove away (am totally fine- no injuries) and i say, "how do you think i am? this wouldn't happen in MY country- people STOP after hitting someone".  not so nice of me, not so necessary.  i get this when i go to bed each night and say 'sorry for not putting other people first', 'sorry for not always listening for that still small voice', and 'sorry for not always obeying the still small voice when i do hear it', and i have to say the same thing night after night. i get tired of myself!  amazingly, God is not tired of me.  amazingly i am loved despite my broken-record-ness.  amazingly i am forgiven my crabby, and my not so nice, and my lack, and my selfishness, and my ignorance.  amazing.

so my 6 words should read:

broken.
forgiven.
thanking God for (the blessing of Her) grace.