it's the quiet of the morning on boxing day. the day that Christmas is over but the house still holds it's lights and scents and people who are home from work and school. it's the quiet morning before the heat comes and i am outside enjoying it alone.
today begins my week of in between time. i've come to love this week sandwiched between Christmas and new year- this time at the very end of one year and right at the beginning of another. it seems the perfect time to stop and think- to look back and lean forward- to be filled with the wonder of what has been and the anticipation of what will come. it's a good week. a good time to be in all the places- jjo, leero, enkya- yesterday, today, tomorrow.
mike gave me a book of mary oliver poems. i love mary oliver's poems. the beginning of the gardener speaks to me today:
have i lived enough?
have i loved enough?
have i considered Right Action enough, have i
come to any conclusion?
have i experienced happiness with sufficient gratitude?
have i endured loneliness with grace?
i'm trying to hold my mind still and ask myself these questions, and others.
have i walked with God enough?
have i listened enough?
have i done the things that i knew i was being asked to do?
have i avoided the things i was asked not to do?
have i grown? have i practiced hearing that still small voice?
or have i been too busy, too loud, too distracted?
have i lived out thanks? have i lived out gratitude? have i lived the grace that i've been given?
have i been the hands and feet of our God where i am, in this small spot of the world?
i have been in this small spot- mukono, uganda for a year an a half.
0-21-12 n, 32-45-19 e
this is where i am. where we are. i gave mike a bracelet with the gps coordinates hammered into a tin plate that was sewn onto a leather band- to remember where we are now. where we feel we should be.
i've watched things change this year. for me. here. in my head and my heart. in how i think of this place. of how i think of my place in this place. it has happened through relationships and through time and it is good. thank God life is dynamic and not static.
i need so little. so very little. and i have so much.
caring for others is so important and so is sharing.
it's better to give more and maybe think about it less.
this life here will always be a about drawing boundaries, erasing them, adjusting them, drawing again, erasing again and trying again. or maybe life will be about arriving at some magic boundary-less place- where we just live with one another.
i have been going to the village of a old woman who is the grandmother of one of zoe's friends. she has been sick for a while and has a nasty wound on her leg that i've been attempting to tend to. i've been going everyday- and really- doing very little. i wash it, change the dressing, check her antibiotics and her pain medications, and lately, bring her things she needs to live- like food and sheets and a mattress. this is easy to do- i can do it- what i've been feeling badly about is that i can't seem to get her leg healed up. but.
on Christmas eve, when i went to her, again feeling badly that the wound looks about the same, i was welcomed with an abundance of gifts. ears of corn, bags of beans, pumpkins and avocados and a live chicken. it was so generous. it was so full. it was so reciprocal. they were caring for me now. they were giving out of what they had- because they could.
this is what it's about. it's about relationships.
it's not just about big massive change- it's not always about implementing large scale programs. that is fine. that can be good. but it's always about loving each other, and being there, even when it's taking too long to heal and part of you wants to avoid it, even when it's christmas eve and you could be home with your own family.
the change for me is that now- it didn't occur to me to not go on Christmas eve- in fact i almost went on Christmas day. maybe this doesn't make much sense to anyone except me- and that is okay.
but. whatever our gps coordinates are, let us ask:
have i? and will i? and won't i? and should i? and could i?
let us ask: what is enough?
maybe this year- enough will become more- maybe enough will break through our self-protective boundaries and love will pour out. and grace will pour down. and the world will become smaller still.
today begins my week of in between time. i've come to love this week sandwiched between Christmas and new year- this time at the very end of one year and right at the beginning of another. it seems the perfect time to stop and think- to look back and lean forward- to be filled with the wonder of what has been and the anticipation of what will come. it's a good week. a good time to be in all the places- jjo, leero, enkya- yesterday, today, tomorrow.
mike gave me a book of mary oliver poems. i love mary oliver's poems. the beginning of the gardener speaks to me today:
have i lived enough?
have i loved enough?
have i considered Right Action enough, have i
come to any conclusion?
have i experienced happiness with sufficient gratitude?
have i endured loneliness with grace?
i'm trying to hold my mind still and ask myself these questions, and others.
have i walked with God enough?
have i listened enough?
have i done the things that i knew i was being asked to do?
have i avoided the things i was asked not to do?
have i grown? have i practiced hearing that still small voice?
or have i been too busy, too loud, too distracted?
have i lived out thanks? have i lived out gratitude? have i lived the grace that i've been given?
have i been the hands and feet of our God where i am, in this small spot of the world?
i have been in this small spot- mukono, uganda for a year an a half.
0-21-12 n, 32-45-19 e
this is where i am. where we are. i gave mike a bracelet with the gps coordinates hammered into a tin plate that was sewn onto a leather band- to remember where we are now. where we feel we should be.
i've watched things change this year. for me. here. in my head and my heart. in how i think of this place. of how i think of my place in this place. it has happened through relationships and through time and it is good. thank God life is dynamic and not static.
i need so little. so very little. and i have so much.
caring for others is so important and so is sharing.
it's better to give more and maybe think about it less.
this life here will always be a about drawing boundaries, erasing them, adjusting them, drawing again, erasing again and trying again. or maybe life will be about arriving at some magic boundary-less place- where we just live with one another.
i have been going to the village of a old woman who is the grandmother of one of zoe's friends. she has been sick for a while and has a nasty wound on her leg that i've been attempting to tend to. i've been going everyday- and really- doing very little. i wash it, change the dressing, check her antibiotics and her pain medications, and lately, bring her things she needs to live- like food and sheets and a mattress. this is easy to do- i can do it- what i've been feeling badly about is that i can't seem to get her leg healed up. but.
on Christmas eve, when i went to her, again feeling badly that the wound looks about the same, i was welcomed with an abundance of gifts. ears of corn, bags of beans, pumpkins and avocados and a live chicken. it was so generous. it was so full. it was so reciprocal. they were caring for me now. they were giving out of what they had- because they could.
this is what it's about. it's about relationships.
it's not just about big massive change- it's not always about implementing large scale programs. that is fine. that can be good. but it's always about loving each other, and being there, even when it's taking too long to heal and part of you wants to avoid it, even when it's christmas eve and you could be home with your own family.
the change for me is that now- it didn't occur to me to not go on Christmas eve- in fact i almost went on Christmas day. maybe this doesn't make much sense to anyone except me- and that is okay.
but. whatever our gps coordinates are, let us ask:
have i? and will i? and won't i? and should i? and could i?
let us ask: what is enough?
maybe this year- enough will become more- maybe enough will break through our self-protective boundaries and love will pour out. and grace will pour down. and the world will become smaller still.
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