to be reminded

i accidentally made africa when i was pouring ghee into the gluten-free cookie mix someone sent.

it was funny because i was having a moment.

i was drinking a starbucks 'via' (their instant coffee which i kind of used to laugh at but now LOVE) and i was remembering the idea of a' to go' latte- and that i could even pick one up while at target.  i was remembering how much easier life can be in the US where they sell pre-made gluten-free everything, and where you can run out and pick things up at the market 24 hours a day and what you want will always be there.  i was missing those conveniences as i scraped the ghee into the bowl- hoping the power wouldn't go out- and feeling maybe a little bit sorry for myself.

then i looked down and saw this and i laughed because really, i love it here.
it's these little things that remind us we are exactly where we are supposed to be.

today i stayed home with zoe to teach her because mike was at a science and technology curriculum retreat in kampala.  i was planning on going to work, because it's monday, and we were going to let zoe 'fend for herself'- ie: attempt to do the work left out for her, in the company of florence.  it didn't really sound like a 'good idea' but might be passable as a 'fine idea' or a 'necessary evil'.  until i woke up at 5:30 to get everyone out the door and realized that it wasn't necessary, but might be evil, as she's been having a rough few days.  so i decided to be a mom, and stay home, i decided to choose her.  she was greatly relieved that i was staying home and went back to sleep for an hour, so i had time to prepare.  i wasn't preparing a lesson, or a schedule, i was preparing myself.  to be calm, and present and who she would need today.

i grabbed some coffee, my bible and the nouwen lenten readings and went out on the porch.  it was quiet and peaceful in that way that is before most of the world wakes up.  i opened the bible and it fell to the place where i'd randomly stuck the picture of zoe age two that stays in there as a reminder.  it's a reminder of how adorable she is, and how far we've come.

but the real reminders are written on the back.

"i didn't ask for this"
"remember my strengths"
love not anger














it had been stuck in the middle of the book of jeremiah where i read,  "I am the Lord, the God of all mankind.  Is anything too hard for me?"

it's amazing how much i need to look at that picture and read the back.  it's amazing how much i needed to hear those ancient words- to be reminded that no, nothing is too hard for Him.  it was enough.  so i looked far off into the just brightening sky and said quietly,

"most things are too hard for me.
this day will have pieces that are too hard for me.
sometimes zoe is too hard for me.  most times i'm too hard for me.
but i'm not too hard for you, and neither is zoe, so i think we'll be okay.
i will lean on this, on You.
You are enough."

and it was a very good day.