it's no longer leap year day, which is too bad because if it were, i could possibly blame my bad behavior on the weird karma of the universe that must have knocked me into crazy. no. the crazy today is just all me. it is a plain old middle of the week homeschooling day and while i now only really do this half the time i used to, and therefore shouldn't complain, i will.
see, i used to do this full time- okay 4/5ths time- because fridays were my glorious VA work day. fridays were the day i went to work for 10 hours and made people happy and was thanked and knew that i was making a difference. now i go to work two days a week and am with zoe three days and because on fridays we go to the orphanage to 'give back'- the 'official' teaching days are only two days- and i somehow have managed to weasel even out of that. at first i was doing yoga on thursday mornings in kampala so mike had her in the morning and a student came to help her in the afternoon. but when mike caught on that the yoga was becoming a habit- and i was sneaking out of my part of the 3/5ths deal- i had to call it off. since then i've conveniently been in kenya, or it was the boys mini-break, or yesterday i decided to do a 'field trip' to the fabric market.
so today was a bit of culture shock for us. zoe was trying to get used to me again, and i was, i guess you could call it trying, to get used to her again. but really, i was squirming and fighting and cursing under my breath or out loud, that i was "done".
it started okay- i mean she got out of the bed with out being asked. but that was it- so began the nagging. i ask you, can it really take 30 minutes to brush your teeth, i mean to start to brush your teeth?
i went into the kitchen, turned the calendar to march, counted the months until July and began banging my head on the wall- 'i can't do this for four more months!'
mike looked at me with that face- that 'this is my wife and she's mildly hopeless' face- that face that shows his brain is questioning whether or not it's safe to leave me home with his child. which i prefer to the less sympathetic 'you'd better get it together now' face.
"try to be patient honey"
"BUT HOW is it possible to stand in the bathroom doing NOTHING for 30 minutes when you are supposed to be brushing? i could understand playing with a toy or reading a book, but....i think she might be... you know.....really slow....as in.. not much going on upstairs....." i vented, realizing that it was only 8:30 and i wasn't about to get any sympathy from the folks in the kitchen.
"babe- she's just looking in the mirror. think of how your parents felt about you."
what was that supposed to mean?
"i didn't do stuff like this! i cared, i was motivated. i brushed my teeth quickly!"
"i'm just saying they had those head-banging moments too."
"not like this!"
"what about your first boyfriend- the recovering alcoholic?"
"yeah but i was 16!"
"which is probably worse!"
at which point we were interrupted by zoe, "i'm done!" as if she deserved a metal for finally finishing.
"okay lets head to the school room!" i mustered enthusiasm- but she always know when i'm faking.
we listed the subjects we needed to cover today on the white board- we numbered them- and we figured out how much time we had until her joint history class at the neighbors house- (which conveniently falls on my homeschool day).
"okay, we have 2 hours and 45 minutes. how many minutes are in an hour?" i was feeling good about the practical incorporation of math.
"60 minutes."
"Good!"
"so how many minutes are in 2 hours?"
"ummm. 10."
"no."
"6?..... 7?...... 8?..... 9?..."
"NO! what is this an auction?"
"i don't want to figure out how much time to spend on each subject! i want to do "the clock" for math! i want to practice telling time!"
"but this is about time! it's using the clock to figure out how much time we can spend on each subject- it's practical math."
"well i think it's stupid!"
then out it flew- "you think this is stupid? how stupid is it to think that 60 plus 60 could possibly be 10!"
cringe. ooopps.
at this point i should have said, 'help!' and enlisted the celestial back up, but no, instead i tried the self-pep talk, 'come on! you're the parent! don't argue with her!' but this didn't really work. and i shoved that square peg into the round hole- i dragged her through the math of our schedule and only when we were done, did i let her grab the little clock to do our 'official' math.
now for some reason, people with nonverbal learning disorder really struggle with time- the telling of it- the living with in its bounds- the basic intrinsic understanding of it. and while i know this in my head- i still forget.
"okay zoe, set the clock to 7:07"
she spins the hands to seven- and then hands it to me. "i have no idea." and she starts to laugh. this would have been the perfect time to just laugh along with her. to be thankful that she's not melting down about not knowing. to support her in her ability to let it go and sort of ask for help.
but no.
out if flew again. cringe. "are you kidding me? you don't know how to show 7 minutes on that clock and you're 12 years old?"
doh!
at that point- i realized that i needed help, probably in the form of therapy, fast. that it wasn't her- it was me. that it was only 9:30 am, and that permenant damage might be done if i didn't just shut it.
so i did. i took pause, i leaned over and gave her a kiss and told her that i know telling time is hard for her and actually i'm stupid- and impatient and overbearing. i told her that i struggle with time too- the inability to not be ruled by the clock- the inability to just relax and be with her as she learns, that i have "no idea" about lots of things.
and then it was time for english- which today encompasses grammar and comprehension and reading. she had just finished reading a version of shakespeare's The Taming of the Shrew. how appropriate. for the next hour, she read me the play out loud in perfect voice, asking for "H.E.L.P"on the names of the characters without a single sticky thought. she summarized. she comprehended, she asked good questions about vocabulary and inferred the meaning by the context.
wow. look how far this girl has come! there is understanding and connection, she is able to move her mind laterally now, to begin to grasp the complexities in relationships, to bear with herself in trying to tell time, and pronounce words, and put up with her mother.
i am that shrew so needing to be tamed. how easily i let her challenges frustrate me, yet i'm so willing to be tolerant of mine. thankfully, every day is a new day. every minute a new minute. a chance. a small beginning.
as we ate our chocolate chip banana bread for lunch she asked me who my favorite character was in 'the taming of the shrew'. i told her i wasn't sure, and asked her which was her favorite.
"katerina the shrew, because she becomes kind."
maybe there is hope for me. let it start right now!
see, i used to do this full time- okay 4/5ths time- because fridays were my glorious VA work day. fridays were the day i went to work for 10 hours and made people happy and was thanked and knew that i was making a difference. now i go to work two days a week and am with zoe three days and because on fridays we go to the orphanage to 'give back'- the 'official' teaching days are only two days- and i somehow have managed to weasel even out of that. at first i was doing yoga on thursday mornings in kampala so mike had her in the morning and a student came to help her in the afternoon. but when mike caught on that the yoga was becoming a habit- and i was sneaking out of my part of the 3/5ths deal- i had to call it off. since then i've conveniently been in kenya, or it was the boys mini-break, or yesterday i decided to do a 'field trip' to the fabric market.
so today was a bit of culture shock for us. zoe was trying to get used to me again, and i was, i guess you could call it trying, to get used to her again. but really, i was squirming and fighting and cursing under my breath or out loud, that i was "done".
it started okay- i mean she got out of the bed with out being asked. but that was it- so began the nagging. i ask you, can it really take 30 minutes to brush your teeth, i mean to start to brush your teeth?
i went into the kitchen, turned the calendar to march, counted the months until July and began banging my head on the wall- 'i can't do this for four more months!'
mike looked at me with that face- that 'this is my wife and she's mildly hopeless' face- that face that shows his brain is questioning whether or not it's safe to leave me home with his child. which i prefer to the less sympathetic 'you'd better get it together now' face.
"try to be patient honey"
"BUT HOW is it possible to stand in the bathroom doing NOTHING for 30 minutes when you are supposed to be brushing? i could understand playing with a toy or reading a book, but....i think she might be... you know.....really slow....as in.. not much going on upstairs....." i vented, realizing that it was only 8:30 and i wasn't about to get any sympathy from the folks in the kitchen.
"babe- she's just looking in the mirror. think of how your parents felt about you."
what was that supposed to mean?
"i didn't do stuff like this! i cared, i was motivated. i brushed my teeth quickly!"
"i'm just saying they had those head-banging moments too."
"not like this!"
"what about your first boyfriend- the recovering alcoholic?"
"yeah but i was 16!"
"which is probably worse!"
at which point we were interrupted by zoe, "i'm done!" as if she deserved a metal for finally finishing.
"okay lets head to the school room!" i mustered enthusiasm- but she always know when i'm faking.
we listed the subjects we needed to cover today on the white board- we numbered them- and we figured out how much time we had until her joint history class at the neighbors house- (which conveniently falls on my homeschool day).
"okay, we have 2 hours and 45 minutes. how many minutes are in an hour?" i was feeling good about the practical incorporation of math.
"60 minutes."
"Good!"
"so how many minutes are in 2 hours?"
"ummm. 10."
"no."
"6?..... 7?...... 8?..... 9?..."
"NO! what is this an auction?"
"i don't want to figure out how much time to spend on each subject! i want to do "the clock" for math! i want to practice telling time!"
"but this is about time! it's using the clock to figure out how much time we can spend on each subject- it's practical math."
"well i think it's stupid!"
then out it flew- "you think this is stupid? how stupid is it to think that 60 plus 60 could possibly be 10!"
cringe. ooopps.
at this point i should have said, 'help!' and enlisted the celestial back up, but no, instead i tried the self-pep talk, 'come on! you're the parent! don't argue with her!' but this didn't really work. and i shoved that square peg into the round hole- i dragged her through the math of our schedule and only when we were done, did i let her grab the little clock to do our 'official' math.
now for some reason, people with nonverbal learning disorder really struggle with time- the telling of it- the living with in its bounds- the basic intrinsic understanding of it. and while i know this in my head- i still forget.
"okay zoe, set the clock to 7:07"
she spins the hands to seven- and then hands it to me. "i have no idea." and she starts to laugh. this would have been the perfect time to just laugh along with her. to be thankful that she's not melting down about not knowing. to support her in her ability to let it go and sort of ask for help.
but no.
out if flew again. cringe. "are you kidding me? you don't know how to show 7 minutes on that clock and you're 12 years old?"
doh!
at that point- i realized that i needed help, probably in the form of therapy, fast. that it wasn't her- it was me. that it was only 9:30 am, and that permenant damage might be done if i didn't just shut it.
so i did. i took pause, i leaned over and gave her a kiss and told her that i know telling time is hard for her and actually i'm stupid- and impatient and overbearing. i told her that i struggle with time too- the inability to not be ruled by the clock- the inability to just relax and be with her as she learns, that i have "no idea" about lots of things.
and then it was time for english- which today encompasses grammar and comprehension and reading. she had just finished reading a version of shakespeare's The Taming of the Shrew. how appropriate. for the next hour, she read me the play out loud in perfect voice, asking for "H.E.L.P"on the names of the characters without a single sticky thought. she summarized. she comprehended, she asked good questions about vocabulary and inferred the meaning by the context.
wow. look how far this girl has come! there is understanding and connection, she is able to move her mind laterally now, to begin to grasp the complexities in relationships, to bear with herself in trying to tell time, and pronounce words, and put up with her mother.
i am that shrew so needing to be tamed. how easily i let her challenges frustrate me, yet i'm so willing to be tolerant of mine. thankfully, every day is a new day. every minute a new minute. a chance. a small beginning.
as we ate our chocolate chip banana bread for lunch she asked me who my favorite character was in 'the taming of the shrew'. i told her i wasn't sure, and asked her which was her favorite.
"katerina the shrew, because she becomes kind."
maybe there is hope for me. let it start right now!
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