too darn hot

these days it's hot in that way that august gets, when the ground has been heated by so many months of hot that it is radiating heat just like the sun- so we are surrounded above and below.  everyone thinks that africa is way hotter than here and and some parts are, but not uganda.  people always say things like,  'you'd better get  used to it, where you're going!' but uganda is not this hot. and i'm done with this heat.

yesterday, i got a long overdue haircut and reveled in 45 minutes of reading gossip magazines, with no one talking to me.  of course because i'm 40 and don't have a tv- i had no idea who 60% of the people were in those magazines.  but that was fine, because you don't need to know who people are to decide who looked best in the dress- (which was obviously the older woman :).

last night our wonderful friends of over 10 years, threw a grown-ups only goodbye party for us. we saw people we've loved for years and who have walked through seasons of our life with us- people from all stages and it was beautiful and meaningful and surprisingly not sad because they will be friends forever. i was able to be there- in the moment - and be thankful and present and excited- and it was about time.  and it was because of barbara, again.
 

yesterday morning i'd met with zoe's amazing math tutor to go over a math curriculum for our first year in uganda. i've been feeling badly about not being prepared in terms of her schooling.  because i haven't picked her books or focused much on our goals and needs for 6th grade.  and as usual, barbara reminded me of what i always seem to lose track of.....the big picture. 

i arrived at her house with my computer ready to take notes.  to have a list and numbered items of what we should cover and how much time i should spend on each thing and how i'd know when to move on and what texts i should use.  i arrived with my left brain in full gear and my type A personality leading the way- lets get it done- lets check it off the list.


but.
barbara knows zoe.  and thankfully she knows me.  and she quickly set me back to zero and reminded me of the reality of our reality.  not a typical 6th grader.  not a typical situation.  moving a relatively anxious girl to africa in her preteen years. so i didn't touch my computer- i didn't take notes or make lists.  instead, i listened to her wisdom and soaked it in. 

she talked about zoe's strengths and about her gifts- what makes her so special- what i as her mom need to encourage and protect.  she reminded me to think outside the box.  remove the rules.  stop trying to force things to happen.  let it go.  be OK with a different way.  TRUST zoe more.  follow her lead.  help her create a safe place there. 

yes.  that makes sense.  scary in some ways because the path is less clear, but it makes sense- for all of us- even for me. 


and this is where i am tonight.  on the porch, with the fan pushing that hot air around and around fooling me into thinking it's a breeze, trying to be still. even with so much racing through my mind.  even with so much to do. even when the kids are melting into each other and bothering each other and adding to the stickiness of a sunny august day in georgia. 

so i'm closing my eyes and finding myself on the banks of a river with tall shade trees and a real breeze and a lot of yard and country and a mint julep in my hand.  (ok, i've never had one- but it sounds good). 

and i'm remembering her wise words.

this stuff will all get done.  it's our relationships that matter.  our words matter.  the look in our eyes matters.  how we focus our attention, matters. how we support each other, say good bye to each other, and communicate how valuable we are to each other- that is what matters.

the sun sets now.  it rises on the other side where i'll soon be.
ready- so ready.